Getting Married vs. Being Married: The Royal Wedding Epiphany

Despite everything I said, I ended up with my backside planted firmly on the couch, watching the royal wedding last night. You know, up until last night, I thought that I really liked weddings, and had been prone to dreaming about the detail of mine in a "I haz pweety dress, yeh? I haz pweety cake, yeh? I haz hawt slow dance, yeh?" sort of way. Somehow, watching what is probably the most elaborately detailed and well-planned wedding of the decade made me throw all those ideas out the window.
Firstly, I hated how many people were watching the royal wedding, either at Westminster, or on TV. Like, why on earth was Juila Gillard there? I know that they're the royals, therefore meaning that they had an obligation to invite certain people, and allow the general public to see the wedding, buuuut, I dunno. There was something really cringe-worthy about knowing that all these people, who didn't know them or actually care about them as much as they did about the wedding itself, were sitting down to watch the event. Heck, I didn't feel like I should have been watching it. What do I know of William and Kate? Not much. He's a Prince, and she's very, very, very pretty. That's about it. So, why should I be sharing in their special day? Yes, they're celebrities, and yes, her dress was amazing, but I honestly felt like I was intruding just by watching the TV broadcast. Spesh kiddo, I know.

Secondly, it was so damn planned. Every single tiny detail was perfect and oh so beautiful. I really exected myself to be all "*_* Soo pretty. Me waaants." but, as it turns out, I reacted more like "Erm. Hm. Well, it's nice, buuut, eh..." I must say, I was amused by how Anglican the service was though. I pretty much knew all the hymns they sung by heart. I tell you, the Anglican church may be accepting of pretty much anything these days, but their old style hymns and tediously structured services never change.

So yeah, the wedding was perfect and beautiful and had [possibly millions] of people watching it, and I still wasn't impressed. It didn't help that I had my mother sitting next to me, depressedly ranting about how bad her wedding day had been, and how nothing had been as she wanted, and her family had taken total control of it and ruined everything. Whenever she gets like that, I think it annoys my father. He's a good guy, though, and always tells her "It really wasn't that bad. I enjoyed it, and that day isn't really what matters." I am so inclinded to agree with him right now. My parents celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary a few weeks ago. Yes, they've been married for twenty years, are still as in love as ever, have never had any major falling outs and have successfully built a life and a family together. In my eyes, that is nothing short of inspirational and amazing. So, who gives a flying toss if the day wasn't perfect, they've had twenty flipping years of perfection. That's how I feel anyway.

I think it was Pamela Anderson who said something like "I love getting married, that's great. It's being married that I'm not so good at." /Half of society yells a hearty "here, here" in agreeance"/ My next issue is that, you can have the perfect service, and lovely vows, and a hot kiss, and a great afterparty, and your favourite band, and the most sought-after location, and the prettiest dress, and two years later, wham! you're sitting in a divorce court, wondering why the heck you ever got married in the first place. And what's with vows anyway? People should just say "I promise to love you until I see how flawed you are. Then we'll fight, hurt eachother in different ways and part." because, a lot of the time, that's how it is. They say those vows, because it's what they want to hear. Everyone wants to hear that someone wants to stay with them forever, no matter what. I think, most of the time, people do intend to stay with eachother. But, things don't always work. I'm not saying that people shouldn't get divorced, or get married for that matter, or make vows to eachother. I'm saying that, so often people get so carried away with the idea of getting married, that they forget what really matters, or make mistakes.

So, here I am ranting about wedding and how flawed things are, but in truth, I am the biggest believer in marriage, like, everrrrrrr. I just think that the marriage itself should be what's important, not a ceremony that only lasts a few hours. Of course I want to have a nice wedding, but, the royal wedding has made me realise that I wouldn't really care if someone gave me unofficial vows with no-one around, in the middle of a dusty desert (or, you know, while we're dancing in a lake *fangirls* Damn you, Fakir). As long as they actually did love me unconditionally, and I loved them in this way as well, then, that all that really matters, isn't it? Feel free to debate and comment on what you think of weddings/marriage, because I'm in a debate-y mood.

I would just like to say, this rant does not = (yeah, I had to use the equals sign, just as a joke. You hear me, [ClearlyUnfocused] and [TenutoTuo]? JP = soooo stalker annoying) me not being a hopeless romantic. I still am. Rather too hopelessly. /zones out into own romance world/ ...whaaa? I want to marry someone who won't care if I trip on my dress and fall on my face as I walk up the isle (this is so a possibility), and will think I'm pretty, even when I look like an idiot. Someone who I can always be myself around, and who feels that they can be themselves around me. Someone who I could feel sparks with, even if we were just hold hands, or looking at eachother. Someone who would stay my side forever, for better or for worse. Someone who made me feel happy or safe, just by being there. Someone whose flaws I could forgive, and they could forgive mine. Someone who could me my best friend, on top of everything else. This is shallow, but someone that I'm actually attracted to- this really doesn't happen very often. Someone who I respect, a lot, even if we have different opinions. Pretty much, someone who I loved for who they are, that loved me for me, the real me, and nothing else. Gosh, if I get that lucky (and, why is it that with every day that passes, I feel like I will? Like I won't be alone forever, like I'd been feeling?) then, stuff the dress and the cake and what the guests think.

I'm really not sure if I wrote this post how I intended to, or how I meant it. Eh, for someone who knows so many words, I fail at saying what I mean. That's okay, though! I hope my post has made some sense. Feel free to let me know what you think about marriage... just because I am bored.

199 Bottles of Beer... And Other Random Thoughts

Yeah, that song just came into my head. Maybe it's because it's ten thirty, and I'm still procrastinating/working on assignments. Usually, I would have given up two hours ago, buuuuut, I promised myself that I'd get at least 1000 words for my second MusExt assignment tonight, and I don't intend on backing down on that promise... Even if I do still have three hundred words to go. My mind is really jumping from random thought to random thought at the moment, so, I figured, why not have a blog post that consists of all the random rubbish that goes through my head? I'll probably go back and forth between this and the assignment, so warning, this may be excessively random, but hopefully a little bit entertaining. Alrighty then, let the randominification of thoughts begin!

LOLpostbeer. Is that a sea shanty? "It's a sea shantyyyy, and it's darn catchyyyyy!"

Accordion! ... wait. Accordion = Stereo Love = Fail AMV = TDWT = Marco Grazzini = Dude, where's my toothpaste? = Excessive fangirl = moarrrrr laughter = ...wait, what?

Random fact: I write assignments 5x faster when listening to the Overture from Ruslan and Ludmilla. True story. Too bad that listening to it also makes me feel like I have to write very fast, therefore provoking me to get all angsty and ready to yell at anything. You don't want to walk in on me when I'm assignmenting and listening to that song, unless you want me to go all "ROARRR!" on you. I would have said 'rawr', but I always think of that as... Kinda sexual. Spesh kiddo.

For someone who claims to be nocturnal, I suck at staying up later than 11pm.

I HAZ A SNUGGIE! <3 :3 /mutters/ It's actually pretty epic.

... oh, I could do with a hug right now ... Actually, a romantic hug would be really nice. /hits self over heaf/ Idiota! Focus!

... oh dear, I said focus... Except, I just went to a delirious world of fangirl instead. /zomes out/ NOOO TEH ASSIGNMENT.

Awh crudballs. I just remembered that I have to get up early for band tomorrow, and I have to stay at school til 6pm. Fml? Nah. Just lameballs... "Loser is what the lion called you, when you couldn't find your baaaaaaalls... /awkward/ tranq balls, that is..." Must. Resist. Quoting.

I WANTS FRUIT! OMNOMNOMNOM. I wish strawberries were in season. Mmmm...

Oooh. I is reading everyone's blog posts ^^) .. wait, I mean, I'm doing my assignment...

FLYING PEGASUSSSSSSSS! >:D

/resists urge to quote Fakir/ ... must. not. But, ooh, Fakir. I should watch some Tutu. NO! Assignment. Oh crudballs, only 15mins left til I said I would go to bed. MUST. FOCUS...

My eyeballs hurt, wanna trade? Gotta catch em all... like, whaa?

The awkward moment when your internet explorer shows you that you read the FakirxAhiru roleplaying livejournal more than you use Google... and I use Google a lot. /awkward whistle/

IT'S TIME TO TRYYYYY DEFYYYYYING GRAVITYYYYYYY!! :)

... I'm gonna die, defying gravity. MUST DO ASSIGNMENT. Something tastes like chicken 0_0

I have Quad City Stomp stuck in my head. I never thought I'd write this, but, orz ... Yeah.

Edward Cullen insults my status as a vampire. C'mon, I have pale skin, dark hair, I don't react well to light [or garlic, for that matter] and I thrive at night. I'm more of a vampire than he'll ever be. Grrr sparkles.

... oooooh, sparkles. "Leeeeeet me be your wings, let me take you high above, let me take you far beyond the staaars" ... wait, nyahhh, focus! I wrote 30 words more for the assignment. Skillz.

Time limit up, and I don't have enough words. I fail at life AHAHAHA. Maniac much? Eh, I'll just have to get less sleep...

Ohai headache... Hands touch... eyes meeeeet. Erm. Hands are sore, so are eyes. I don't know how I'm Not That Girl morphed into a complaint. Ehh.

"Ehehehehehe. You are a whore!" Of all the Fez quotes to suddenly attack my brain... What the heck?

The world is a dystopia... Mmm. Well, not really. But, yeah, really. I don't know what I'm saying anymore.

Brain fuzzy. Going to get off blogger now and work, because I just remembered that I also haven't done the English homework. "Dude, you really suck." Yes Ryuk, yes I do... :)

"Until a little bit ago, I thought it was okay for me to just vanish, but now..."

I swear, I watch way too much television. I'm not even a big buff, I'm just a serial escapist. Despite the fact that the formula is getting pretty old, I've been watching The Biggest Loser almost religiously again this year. Watching a bunch of fatties rearrange their lives is surprisingly interesting, I must say. This week, four eliminated contestants were brought back to the game, and had to compete in a challenge whereby they had to steal each other's basketballs for ten minutes (boring filler challenge much?) and whoever had the least basketballs at the end of this time was to be eliminated. There was this one chick who everyone deemed to be the biggest threat, and was the only contestant that I had actually taken a liking to this series. Whenever she had competed in challenges in the past, she had absolutely smashed them, and gotten into 'the zone'. This challenge was not like that. She completely broke down, and basically gave up. Heck, when it as confirmed that she had lost, the poor girl stopped being able to breathe, and the medic had to be called in. When she could breathe again, she confessed to feeling like she had failed her boyfriend (a fellow competitor) and herself.

At the moment, I feel like I am that girl. Up until this year, despite all the problems I've had, I've felt like a strong, unstoppable person, even if I haven't always loved (or even liked) myself. Now, I feel like a complete failure. I've pretty much given up on myself, and all the ambitions that I had. I don't even know what I should be aiming for, and even if I did know, I doubt I'd be motivated enough to work towards a goal. For example, my massive music extension assignment is due in ten days time, and I haven't even started it. This bothers me a lot, and I have pledged to start it tomorrow. But, it doesn't bother me for the right reasons. It should bother me that I have had this assignment since January, and I've barely even thought about it. It should bother me that I've been so terrible at time management. It should bother me that it's now pretty much impossible for me to get an A for it, but I easily could have if I'd started it earlier. It should bother me that I'm no longer aiming for the stars with grades. These things just don't phase me at the moment. Here's what does:

-I keep telling myself what should be bothering me. Who's to say what's right? I need to accept how I feel, and trade telling myself what I should be for telling myself how I am.

-God. He is amazing. He is my rock; my everything, and he loves me no matter what. Every day that goes by, I feel Him with me even more. Good Friday was a very spiritual day for me. Thinking of how Jesus died for me was humbling and heartbreaking in a way that it had never been before. I know that God is with me, but I don't know what He wants from me. To quote Jesus Christ Superstar "Show me there's a reason for you wanting me to die. You're far too keen on when and how, but not so hot on why" I know that I'm feeling how I am for a reason, I just don't know why. I wish I had direction.

-Frankly, I feel unloved, and I feel like no-one will ever love me, save the Lord. I've said this a few times in my life, and everyone aways half-laughs at me, like I'm being absolutely stupid when I say it, but sometimes I genuinely believe it. I've ranted on it enough, we all know that I want a fairytale. Well, not really. I just want someone who will be my strength, and stand by me no matter what. I'll admit, I've watched Ahiru and Fakir's dance from PT more times than I can count on my fingers. It's just so wonderfully romantic, when he says "Even when that happens, I'll stay by your side forever" and she goes from feeling suicidal, to feeling empowered and loved and says "Fakir makes the weak me stronger..." Oh dear, what I wouldn't do to have someone to make the weak me stronger, and stay by my side forever. Aw nuts, I've gone into sappy territory again. Do I need to say it any more clearly? I am sick of being alone, and having to be my own strength. I'm a crumbling person, and my own strength can't support me for much longer. I've always done everything alone (it took all my strength to not insert another PT reference here) but I don't want to anymore. I'll admit, I think I'm pretty awesome at being someone to lean on, but I'm not very good for myself, because my self encouragement is usually "Do better you worthless idiot!"

-I was just reading [MissInvisible]'s blog, and he was talking about formal partners. I think it's pretty awesome that I'm going with [ClearlyUnfocused] as a same-sex-heterosexual couple, even though she still needs to ask me out (tut tut)! However, the fact that I don't actually have anyone else to go with just reminds me of how alone I am. I won't get to look back on my formal and be like "Yeah, that was my partner, kiddies! I sure upgraded when I met your father *chuckle*" Okay, so I'm totes taking a hottie, and I am going to look back on formal photos, really happy that they include one of my best friends, as opposed to some dude that I just went with so I could have a date. I just have a bit of bruised ago at the moment. I'll get over it. I always do.

-My family is insane. At Easter lunch today, both my great-grandfather, my grandmother and my father cracked jokes about viagra. The former was easily the most disturbing as you can imagine. But, apart from that, no one really talked to each other. Heck, my Mum came into the bathroom when I was washing me hands and asked me if she could hide from my relatives with me. To be fair, my relatives didn't even really try to talk to me, and they are seriously annoying and full of issues. I still wish that I could have had a nice family Easter lunch, though. I wish that all the relatives didn't let their issues get in the way of everyone having loving relationships. My immediate family is awesome. My relatives are... mostly crazy. I hope I can get on with them after school. I don't even know why some of them won't talk to me, I mean, their problem is with my parents, not me. Gosh, people.

-I sound like a whingey emo kid on this blog. I'm so sorry people, I'm not like this is real life! Well, I am, but I try to cover my issues by laughing them off and cracking lame jokes. Here is my ranting place. I think I'm going to talk more about the things that I like, and less about my problems in the future. I keep saying that, but I really am trying. I can imagine that these rants are less than entertaining.

-Recently, I've built my life on things that don't exist. I've thought more about characters than real people. I've thought more about what I could be in fantasies than what I really am. I've thought more about the past and the future than the present. I've wasted so much time watching anime, pretending that I could have a life like that. I've taken all the problems I have, and made them into one big metaphor that I don't even understand, for no apparent reason. I haven't accepted the fact that I'm back at school. I haven't accepted my current situation. I've just tried to deny reality. Which isn't a good thing, because when you come back to reality, it hits you really hard. In my case, you end up lying in a ball, hugging a pillow and freaking out something chronic.

I shall stop word-vomiting now. I need to go to bed, because I need to get assignments done tomorrow, and I have a feeling that I shall be up quite late tomorrow night. To put this post into a few words, I don't like my life at the moment, I want to be loved, and I need to learn myself. Oh, and I need to work harder and accept reality. Have I already blogged about this? Probably. I'm going round and round in circles at the moment, waiting for the day when someone tugs my hand and puts me on the right path. But, I'm guessing that I'm just going to have to stop walking and realign myself. See what I mean about the weird, confusing metaphors? xP

Love Never Dies... But My Heart Just Did.

LOVE NEVER DIES MUST DIEEEEEEEE! >:[ Okay, now that we've got that out of the way, I can write normally... or not. This rant has been coming for a very, very long time, so beware, because this could take a while. Let me take you back to, let's say late 2009. We all know that I love The Phantom of the Opera, yes? It was the first musical I ever saw on stage, and pretty much the reason I am who I am today. It's weird to think that a musical could change someone so much, but it really did. Let me also just put it out there that Jesus Christ Superstar is my second favourite musical. I saw it twice last year, and was completely blown away. That's right, I said it, I liked an independent production of JCS even more than I liked Wicked. I don't know why, but that show just really struck a chord in me; I felt really connected. I also had a lot of respect for that production. Despite being independent, the company managed to have a set, cast, band and lighting effects that rivalled any professional production I'd ever seen. Hm. So, now I've established that.

Back to late 2009. I remember sitting at my computer, and seeing on my Youtube account that The Really Useful Group (aka The Really Useless Group of middle-aged fuddy duddies; Andrew Lloyd Webber's bunch) had uploaded the Media/Press release thing for his latest musical. [I know, that sentence was so eloquent] The name of this musical was (and, sadly, still is) Love Never Dies. Urgh. Am I the only one who thinks that name sounds so ridiculously cliche? Normally, I wouldn't really care if Lord "Bonkers" Lloyd Webber was making a new musical, but this one was said to be a sequel to The Phantom of the Opera. I'm not going to lie, I was against the idea of a sequel since I first heard about it. I remember reading it in the online news, when Otto (ALW's cat. R.I.P, you wonderful creature) had accidentally deleted his full score for LND, which he had saved on his keyboard. Well, they say it was an accident, but I like to think of that cat as a Godsend, who was trying to save our ears from horror.

Sadly, ALW re-wrote the musical disaster, and it was on that fateful day in late 2009 that I first heard the music. I remember actually cringing when I heard the Coney Island Waltz, which was supposed to be the equivalent of an overture for the musical. It sounded like a rip-off of Carousel, but worse. And well, the Phantom Overture was so intense and just generally amazeballs, so, you'd expect the overture to the sequel to follow suit. I'll let you compare the two below. I don't even think I need to put in an argument as to which is better, because it's blatantly obvious. My heart starts to beat fast every time I hear the synthesiser playing the D minor chord at the beginning of the Phantom overture. I felt nauseous the few times I listened to CIW.
Right! Coney Island! Who was the idiot that decided to move Phantom to Coney Island? Whoever thought: "That dude was mentally scarred from being in a freak show as a kid. ZOMG. SO HE'D TOTES WANTS TO GO BAK TO DAT!" needs to be magically lassoo'd by Erik. Leroux's Erik, that is. I mean, that Phantom was badass! I'm getting off-topic. Anyway, as I was saying, the setting is terrible. I've seen pictures of some of the 'sets', and I really didn't like them. I mean, yay props to ALW for being all technological and using projections for the backdrops and what not, but, it still looked incredibly tacky to me. And, erm, there is this arch that looks like a woman's.. er, private areas. I don't go out of my way to see if sets look sexual, but this arch is really disturbing.

This isn't a great picture of it, buuuut, that arch still looks sus.

And it's not the only thing that's sexual. According to the sequel, after Christine leaves the Phantom to go off and live her life with Raoul, well, let's just say that she doesn't really leave him. On the night before her wedding to Raoul, she tracks the Phantom down and has lots and lots of really hot sex with him, again and then again. *brainexplodes* WHAT? Hold up, the Phantom and Christine have sex? Not only that, he leaves her the morning after, feeling ashamed. Oh, and it turns out that she gets pregnant with his kid, and then raises the boy with Raoul anyway. I have to say, what a complete hoe! This isn't the Christine we last saw at the end of Phantom. The one who stood up to her stalker and finally decided that she wasn't going to be manipulated by everyone. Why she would 'do it' with Phanty is also beyond me. I'll admit, there are times when I've had the biggest fangirl crush on this character, despite his crazy murderings and stalkerliciousness, but, I wouldn't hunt him down on the eve of my wedding and practically beg him to have sex with me over and over. It just doesn't even make sense. Christine clearly makes her choice at the end of Phantom. She chooses Raoul, who she is in love with, and leaves the Phantom all by himself. Yes, this means that half the audience is in tears, but they are crying tears of awesome. The fact that the Phantom lets Raoul and Christine go in the end redeems him. And heaven knows, he needs all the redemption he can get. And the thing is, he lets the lovers go because Christine gives him a long, passionate smooch. In that moment, he is so moved by being shown a form of affection that even his own parents had denied to him; that kiss meant everything. So, am I to believe that this same character is going to be okay with having lots of meaningless sex just a short time later? Firstly, I don't think that the Phantom would ever have slept with Christine. He was way too insecure about his body to ever do anything that made him so vulnerable. Period. Secondly, Christine would never have slept with the Phantom. She felt a bond with him through music, but she was never attracted to him. Well, definitely not after she saw his deformities anyway. Plus, she was in love with Raoul, so why would she hunt down her stalker for a good time? I mean, it was the night before her wedding, so she was sure to 'get some' within 24 hours anyway. And if she did indeed sleep with Phanty and Raoul on two consecutive nights, how could she have been sure that the child she later gives birth to is the Phantom's? It's not like they had DNA testing back in those days or anything... Also, I hate the fact that the Phantom apparently leaves Christine after doing her all night. I mean, if she actually wanted him, and he was okay enough with himself do do it with her, then there is no way that he would ever leave her. All he ever wanted in the original was to have her for his own. Like hell he'd be running away (before she even wakes up!) if they finally got together.

The other areas of the plot are just as dire. The premise of the story is that Christine becomes a successful opera singer, and likes with Raoul in France. The Phantom, however, flees Paris after the Opera house burns down (though, I swear that was only in the movie. I don't remember any burning happening in the stage production. Grrrr.) and jumps on a boat bound for Coney Island, America. Oh, did I mention that Madame Giry and Meg come along for the ride? The Phantom ends up making a successful freak show and entertainment thing at Coney. Meg falls obsessively in love with him. He doesn't care, because for "ten looooong years" he wastes his time on "smoke and noise" and pines for Christine. He ends up sending her a letter, beseeching her to come and perform at Coney, and signing it as "Mr Y". Actually, I think they changed this in the latest version of LND, but I don't really understand why or how. Something about Hammerstein? I don't know, it's rubbish either way. Christine, apparently losing all her intelligence, agrees to come and sing in "Phantasma", the Phantom's act. Subtle name, I know. She brings along Raoul, who is now an abusive drunk, and 'their' son Gustave. To cut a long story short, Christine ends up finding out that the Phantom is the one who lured her to Coney. They sing Beneath a Moonless Sky aka the song about them remembering all the good sex they had that one night. I can sum up the rest of the show in a few sentences. Raoul and "Mr Y" fight over Christine, and end up betting on which one of them she will go with. The Phantom says that if she agrees to sing for him, he'll have her, and is she doesn't, Raoul can leave with his wife and child, and the Phantom will repay all his debts. Yes, betting on women is soooo romantic *barf* Anyway, she ends up singing, and Raoul goes to leave for Paris, alone. Suddenly, Meg decides to kidnap Gustave, and threatens to kill him. Phanty and Christine come along, and the Phantom tries to persuade her to put away her gun. She gets annoyed at him for never noticing her (why she's in love with him is beyond me) and he says that he sympathises with her, and knows what it's like not to be loved. Sadly, the idiot goes on to say "We can't all be like Christine..." and, well, Meg goes psycho and accidentally shoots Christine. Christine dies, the Phantom becomes a single Dad. I think they changed the ending to have Raoul return and be with Gustave, and then Gustave goes to the Phantom? I don't know. It's completely messed up. I don't know how an innocent ballerina turned into a slutty murderer, a starry-eyed young gentleman became an abusive drunk, a manipulative, badass murderer became a sappy emo kid, and a sweet young woman became a whore. ALW can't claim that this is character development. This is character assassination.

Have I mentioned the lyrics? They're awful. Some examples include:
- He knows you're made of finer stuff (THEY USED 'STUFF' IN A SONG. THE LYRICIST SHOULD BE FIREDDDDDDDDD!)
- I'll always feel no more than half way real, 'til I hear you sing once more
- Once there was a night beneath a moonless sky, too dark to see a thing, too dark to even try [...] And I held you. And I touched you. And embraced you. And I felt you. And with every breath and every sigh. I felt no longer scared. I felt no longer shy [...] cloaked under the night, with nothing to suppress.  A woman and a man. No more and yet, no less.
... I can't go on, because I feel like my eyes are being raped, reading these appalling lyrics. The last point is from Beneath a Moonless Sky. Now, we all know that I like to rant on romance. That rubbish is not romantic. It is just tacky beyond words. I know Phantom had a lot of sexual metaphor in it (think "When will the blood begin to race? A sleeping bud burst into bloom? When will the flames at last consume us?" from The Point of No Return), but it was just that: metaphor! There is no subtlety in the lyrics to BAMS at all. The second point, which is from Til I Hear You Sing, errrr. Many people who hate the show love this song. I am not one of them. It's meant to be somewhat of an equivalent of Music of the Night, but, it fails. If someone sung the former to me, I would cringe and slap them. If someone sung the latter to me, I would swoon and vow to be with them forever. It's as simple as that.

I could go on all day about the faults in this show, because there are just so many. I think that people have the right to like it, but I certainly never shall. And to be honest, many LND fans are pretty loco. I've been a member of the group Love Should Die on Facebook since early last year, and I've been tracking their progress. I haven't really wanted to get involved with anything, but reading the page, I've found most of the people on there to be intelligent and dedicated phans. Yet, I've seen them be crazily abused just because they don't like the show. I'll never forget how even The Really [Useless] Group treated this one Canadian couple who had supported the original for years, but, uhm-ah, dared to speak out against the sequel. It was so unprofessional, and quite appalling. In fact, Andrew Lloyd Webber and his gang have been nothing but awful to anyone who doesn't like the sequel, even if they continue to support the original in all ways possible. That guy is just messed up.

Phew! I can't believe I've managed to restrain from ranting about this on my blog for so long! It feels good to get it out. Actually, there is a reason that I chose now to explode. You know how I was establishing earlier that JCS is my second favourite musical? Well, there's going to be a return season of the show in June, and I've booked to see it another two times. All of the original cast are returning... except for the guy who played Judas. This news was devastating enough for me, as he portrayed the character to perfection, was absolutely gorgeous to look at, and had one of the best voices in musical theatre that I have ever heard in my entire life... And his growl in Heaven on their Minds was so lush... And the emotion he put into Judas' suicide was insane. It's the only scene that has ever made me cry more than the Final Lair from Phantom... And he just owned the role. Completely. So, yeah, I was 'totes devo' to discover that I'd never get to see him in the role again.

This afternoon, I was looking at that independent theatre company's Facebook page, and I see that the guy has been cast in an ensemble role in the Australian production of Love Never Dies. So, not only has this musical ruined the way I view my favourite musical, but it has stolen one of my favourite performers, and stopped them from performing in my favourite musical. Did I mention that a heap of other musical performers who I love and respect have been cast in the monstrosity too? I'm feeling rather heartbroken at the moment... But, I still refuse to see the show live. I've heard all the songs, seen a heap of pictures, and read all about the storyline. I know that I don't like it, and I don't want ALW to get a cent of my money...


... LOVE SHOULD DIE! >:D

Let Me Be Your Wings...

I have spent the day in bed with a hottie... A hot water bottle that is. Yeah, I wish the second half of that sentences wasn't there too *snarky smile* I don't know why I'm smiling snarkily, because that doesn't really fit the situation at all. Ehehe, too bad.

So, yes, I have been n bed pretty much all day. I've been getting sick quite a bit lately, which isn't surprising, because I seem to catch things during term 2/3 every single year. At least I haven't got the flu yet. Fingers crossed that I miss out on that one this year! I've just got the lovely mix of your common cold, and an allergic reaction to all the pollens in the air at the moment. Let's just say, I'm not the prettiest sight at the moment. Unless, you know, coughing, sniffing girls who lie around complaining about their sore head and throat turn you on. Each to his own.

I haven't really been doing much to make myself any better. I mean, yesterday I got home, had a cup of tea, and then just flopped into bed. Sounds like a good thing to do, right? Well, it was, but it didn't last. Even sick people get bored, and despite banning myself from Facebook, I couldn't resist using my iTouch for other internet uses. Somehow, I got onto watching Princess Tutu AMVS. Some of which were so full of awesome, they made me love the show even more... If that's possible. When my parents went to bed, I decided to watch an actual episode. Yes, the correct thing to do when you have a headache, and the light from your screen is hurting your eyes, is to watch anime episodes. It was around nine o'clock, and a good time for me to actually go to bed. Alas, I went back to watch more AMVs. Someone had decided to do a few to songs from The Swan Princess, and well, that reminded me of my childhood. Am I the only one who watched that movie (and the sequel. And the sequel's sequel. Awkward!) as a kid? Most likely. But anyway, that reminded me of being a kid, and made me want to watch the movie again. So I looked up all the songs on Youtube and had a laugh to myself. The lyricist for that movie must have had a ball writing all those stereotype-y, satire-y, pun-y, funny lines. Actually, it would be really awkward if they actually took that movie seriously, because I didn't even when I was seven. I can still remember my mother literally running across the house to listen to Princesses on Parade. To be fair, it was a pretty good parody song. If I ever have kids that watch that movie, I'd sprint across the house to listen to it.

Ahhh... nostalgia.

After that session of watching stuff, I tried for an hour to get to sleep, but my headache, coupled with my refusal to have any form of medication was making it hard. Soooo, I went back to TSP songs again. The distracting thing about Youtube is all the recommended videos. I ended up finding songs from all sorts of movies from my childhood. There was everything from I Stand Alone from Quest for Camelot (I'd completely forgotten about that movie, even though I'd watched it heaps of times) to Once Upon a December from Anastasia. Despite feeling like crudballs, I had an awesome time reliving the animated awesomeness of my youth. Too bad it caused me to stay up until after midnight... I know, I'm always full of such smart ideas.

I FREAKIN' LOVED THIS MOVIE! And who didn't have a cartoon crush on Dimitri?

Okay, so you can blame Thumbelina for keeping me up so late, because I spent more times listening to the music from that movie than pretty much all of the others combined. Please, someone tell me that I wasn't the only person that watched this as a kid? I re-watched it today for the first time in about ten years, because I had nothing to do... Okay, I could have been catching up on school assignments and such. I re-watched it purely because I wanted to. I don't know which is sadder: the fact that I still knew 90% of the dialogue by heart, the fact that my Mum relocated herself to the lounge room so that she could watch it with me, while she worked, or the fact that I find it more romantic now, than I did ten years ago. I cried at the ending, for flip's sake. That never happened when I was a kid. So, I think I'm regressing. Usually you watch animated stuff as a kid and say "Awwwww. So romantic! I wants me some prince!" and come to be a teenager and say "Urgh. This is so unrealistic. Nothing like this is ever going to happen. Men aren't like this. I can't believe I used to watch this crud."

"... anything that you desire; anything at all! Everyday I'll take you higher and I'll never let you fall!" Ah, so romantic. And, Cornelius is the only male character who should be allowed to sparkle. :3

... then again, I've pretty much become a total sap at the moment. I'm so sappy, you could take all the sap out of the [many!] trees in my backyard, and combine it into one big sap-tub, and it still wouldn't describe my sappy-ness. I still think that I am regressing back into a child. Even though the song Let Me Be Your Wings never sounded as romantic when I was a kid. Like, I should shut up about this, but it bothers me. I've alwaysssssss been a hopeless romantic, and very much so as a child. To become even more so is... worrying. Because, I would really like to act like I didn't give a toss about romance. Pretty much proves that I fail at having any sort of facade. Yay fail!

Gawshdangit, I have a headache again. I should go back to bed, so I am well enough to go to school tomorrow. Man, is it bad that I don't want to be well enough to go to school tomorrow? I can afford to miss another day, but, being away just feels so good! Et hem. Anyway, I will return to school tomorrow. But, I have strangely enjoyed my day off, being sappy and ill. I'm sorry that my blog fluctuates from having amusing anecdotes, to me ranting about sap-tastic things and my issues. I tend to use this blog as a rant-outlet. Ah well. Errg. My head hurts even more. I'll actually go to bed now. Hoping that everyone had a good day!

*starry eyed* I've listened to this song way too many times in the past 24 hours. Regression, I tell you, regression! Still, even musically-analytically speaking, it's a good song. Sappily speaking, it's amazeballs.

The Epic Adventure

Today was epic. Like, really epic. Looking back on it, I can't even believe how epic it was.

So, I'm in the school's Formal Committee. This isn't really much of an achievement, seeing as there are about three people in the grade who can be bothere to organise anything for the formal, and the committee is made up of six. One of the main things that enticed me to join the formal committee was the fact that I'd have a say in choosing the venue. I love venues. That's a bit of an odd statement to make, but I really do. Whenever I go to a new theatre, I print out a seating plan and I analyse it. Actually, one day I dream of building the perfect theatre, that has just the right combination of stalls, boxes and balconies. And of course, one that has versitile and beautiful functions venues. It's a bit of a crazy dream, but oh well.

Today was the designated venue-looking day. Only [ClearlyUnfocused] and [AnonymousChick] joined me in this search, but that was okay, because we made an awesome formal team. Firstly, we went to look at the Sofitel Hotel. This was the easiest venue to access, because it was right next to the train station where we were meeting. My reaction to this place was: WOW. Just wow. I wasn't particularly taken by the idea of having the formal at a hotel, but this place was beautiful. The room was a great size, and very versitile, with lovely lighting. The hall for the pre-dinner drinks was pretty amazing, with beautiful views of gardens and the city. And the decor of the place was very modern, but elegant and refined at the same time. At this stage, I would say there is a good chance that our formal will end up being held there.

"Alright," you say "that sounds normal. They looked at venues and thought about how well they would suit their formal. The end, all happy etcetera." HAHAHAHNO. Next, we decided to head over to the Rugby Club. Walking there was... long. Thanks to my brilliant map reading skills, we walked the wrong way up one of a whole two sreets we had to walk along, and had to turn around. When we finally found the area where the RC was meant to be, the venue itself was nowhere in sight. We walked all around, but just could not find it. Eventually we asked a cleaner for directions, and she pointed us to the building we had just walked past that had the name written on it in large letters. Turns out, the Rugby Club was ugly as anything (no supprises there) and was being renovated, so there was no chance of us going inside and looking at it anyway. I don't think there was any love lost over it; we were only looking at it at the insistence of our teachers.

Thus, the Rugby Club was ruled out as an option. I took out my map again, and decided that we should head to the Marriott next. The only problem was, it was a lot further away than anyone had anticipated. Luckily, there was an automated cab calling thing right where we were standing, so we used that to get a cab to pick us up. Holy faaaaaaaaaaakir, cabs cost a lot! Eight dollars just for a few minutes in that stupid thing. It was crazy. But, we made it to the Marriott. Firstly, we ended up in some back entrance, which only had the concierge desk. So, we had to go and find where the front was. When we got there, we found out that all their venues were being used, so we couldn't look at any. Great. We had come all that way for nothing. No-one wante to go to the Marriott, because the previous seniors had held their formal there, but, not being able to look around was still annoying.

And there we were, standing outside the Marriott. We went and found a bus stop on the other side of the street, only to just miss the bus that we had to catch (we'd decided to head over to Riverlife next). The next bus was not coming for another twenty mintues. Lovely. So, [AnonymousChick] was very proactive, and decided to call a can company, so we could go directly to the next place. Too bad we didn't know the exact address of where we were. As [AnonymousChick] and the rest of us stumbled to discover our location, the operator decided to abuse her for not knowing our location, and hang up. So, we went back to the Marriott and called a different cab company. This one had friendly operating staff, and got a cab out to us very quickly. The driver, however, was terrible.

For some reason, Riverlife's exact street was not marked on the map I had. So, we asked our driver to take us to the approximate street and suburb. Baaaaaaad idea. Firstly, the driver was Indian and did not speak English properly. We couldn't really understand him, and he didn't really undertsand us. It wasn't a good combination. We split the fare, and ended up being dropped off on this random street that was apparently close to the venue- not that the driver would have known. As he drove off, all three of us realised that we had absolutely no idea where we were; we were lost and stranded, with no way of finding out where to go. Hoping to find someone who could give us directions, we walked into a McDonalds' that was just down the street. [AnonymousChick] pretended to be a tourist, and showed the staff my map, asking for directions. Strangely, they knew exactly where to lead us: "... and then you go DOOOOOOOOWN!"

Apparently if you turned down any street on the left, it would take you to some cliffs, and the venue was along there. Yeah, every street but the one that we first took, which was a dead end. We were screaming and laughing like maniacs. I feel sorry for whoever lived in that street. Really sorry. Anyways, we went down the next street on the left, and it actually led us to where we wanted to go. I seriously could have cried with relief. Too bad there was another obsatcle we had to face before getting to the cliffs: a major road. Gosh, nothing came easily today. There was just relentless traffic for ages. Eventually, [ClearlyUnfocused] and I dashed across, but [AnonymousChick] was left stranded on the other side. She ran soon after us, and I really don't know how she avoided being hit by cars. She came very close to becoming roadkill.

After getting out bearings, we went "DOOOOOWN" the steps along the cliff, and walked along the edge of the river for what seemed like ages. Finally, we came to a sign that said "Riverlife: 580m". Walking that distance felt so mcuh longer, given my lack of fittness, and the amount that I had already walked today, but it was so good to know that we were heading in the right direction. The venue itself wasn't very exciting. It was justa deck with a marquee. I mean, the views were pretty amazing, but the space was fairly boring. I wouldn't mind having my formal there, but it certainly didn't thrill me.

I took some pictures, and we decided to head to my city's cultural centre, where [ClearlyUnfocused] and I were going to catch a bus to the Powerhouse, and [AnonymousChick] was going to meet a friend, and therefore head home. Being on the river, we could see where this was, and resolved to walk there. The walk was going to be long, but simply knowing where we were seemed to be a blessing. After walking a fair distance along the cliffs [AnonymousChick] saw a cab, and decided to catch it, telling [ClearlyUnfocused] and I that if we wanted a lift, we better hop in fast. Neither of us were going to deny a free ride, so we hopped in the cab. The driver was very friendly, and actaully took us to where we needed to go, even stopping a little early, so [AnonymousChick] could meet her friend. I could have hugged that driver; he was just a Godsend.

Anyway, we all got out of the taxi, and [ClearlyUnfocused] and I bade [AnonymousChick] goodbye, as she hopped into her friend's car. We'd had a loooong day. But, it wasn't over yet! Seriously hungry from walking and lack of eating, [ClearlyUnfocused] and I stopped to get lunch at Subway. I don't remember the last time I was so happy to eat. I mean, I've come to hate eating recently, but biting into a sub today was divine! After lunch, we headed over to the bus station, and just managed to catch the bus we wanted to. It was chockers, so we had to stand up for the first part of the drive. We were only going from the south side to the north side of the city, but the trip took quite a while. Thanks to [ClearlyUnfocused]'s epic eavesdropping skills, we got off at a stop that was a short walk from the Powerhouse.
Oh, the Powerhouse. This is a venue that I could rant about all day. I'd already been there twice with [ClearlyUnfocused] last year, and we had falled in love with it. How can one describe such a building? It used to literally be an electricity plant, but has since been converted into a venue with a few smaller theatres, spaces for live band performances, and function venues. It is so, so, so, so, so, so beautiful. The outside facade consists of grungy-artistic exposed brick, with the blue-tinted glass entrance. The inside has walls covered in graffiti (purposefully) and gives one the feel of being in a back alley in New York. The tiny overhanging metal walkways just add to this feel, ahhh. And the views are the best in tthe city. It is right next to a few lush green parks, and also overlooks the river. Whenever I go there, I feel so at home. It is just so amazing and atristic. It's as if the building is just overflowing with positive, young energy. I. Love. It. We couldn't actually get into our room today, but we saw part of it from the outisde of the building, and the rooftop terrace attached to it from the inside. If I could choose anywhere to have a formal, I would choose the Powerhouse. It is so different, so modern, so artsy, so stylish, and just so incredible. I plan on going there all the time next year/when I'm out of school.

I think [ClearlyUnfocused] and I lingered around there much longer than we needed to. I mean, neither of us ever wanted to leave. But, we did. When we returned to the bus stop, we saw what we thought was our bus, and absolutely ran for it. Thanks once again to [ClearlyUnfocused]'s eavesdropping skills, we found out that that bus didn't actually go back to the city, but had to do a round, would go there if we caught it from the other side of the street. So, we got off the bus, crossed the street, and waited. 10mins later, the same bus arrives. The driver made a comment about seeing us before in jest, as we got on. As such, we went back to the cultural centre. There, [ClearlyUnfocused] and I parted. I caught another bus home, and she left for the train.

Needless to say, today was completely crazy! Despite everything, I would do it all again. I have been craving excitement and independence in my life, and today, I got it. Now, I must go get ready. I'm going out to dinner in the city with my family tonight. What a wonderful way to end the day!

And All That Jazz...

I just realised that I have eaten five different types of chips today. Yes, that is most interesting fact you will ever hear in your lifetime. Ew. Why would I do that? Fruit and vege FTW. Now that I have you relatively bored, let's get down to the actual post.

Well, another school day is over. Thank the good Lord. Today can be summed up in one word: boring. It wasn't hard, and it wasn't even dreadful, it was just plain blech. Such an academic adjective, I know. Oh, riiiight, that reminds me. My ExtEng assignment is due tomorrow. Meh, I've already finished it, so, that doesn't bother me. I think my sudden change in attitude is really annoying teachers. In two days, I have gone from being a renowned teacher's pet, to someone who teachers just kinda sarcastically laugh at. So, dear teachers, my lack of doing everything isn't because I'm a slacker idiot, it's because I'm going through something. When I try and tell you that I'm struggling to get my head in the right space, hence my lack of full-on work, and that recent times have been really tough for me, please don't just laugh uncomfortably at me. You know, acting supportive would be really nice. Waaaait, I'd forgotten. You only like people who are topping the class and going overboard with their work. Does not being that person for a few days really give me a new reputation? Eh. I don't really mind if it does. I don't actually want to go back to caring about every single detail of my work. I should, but, for some reason, I feel like it's an achievement for me to have moved on from that. It's more like a backwards step. Heh. That's just too bad.

It has come to my attention that I have a follower on this Blog, who I don't know in my normal life. Greetings, person! :3

Okay, that was thoroughly random. I should go and start my second MusExt assignment... Or fix up my first. Actually, I have no idea how to do either of those things. I would work on them if I knew how, but I don't. I thought I did, but yeah, now I am just really confused. I don't want to do nothing, because I've already annoyed my music teacher at least four times in two days [record!] but, I literally cannot think of what to do. At all. Ohohoh, but I did do pretty well in Instrumental music today. Much better than I thought I would. As much as instrumental depresses me, and adds stress to my life, it's become such a huge part of me. School wouldn't be school if I didn't miss at least one class during the week to go chill at the instrumental room, or annoy the librarian by asking for lots of photocopies of sheet music, or jammin' with my muso crew [yeah bros!] There is still a place in my heart for it, which is saying something, because if my heart was a shop, it would have just had the biggest clearance sale ever. So, unlike everything else, I'm going to try a little harder than I have been with it. Whoot effort!

I'm still feeling uneasy though, like there's something that should be in my life/happening that just isn't. I hope I can deal with that feeling soon, because it really is dragging me down. Ah! The epic moment when you realise that you have a spare first thing tomorrow, and therefore you can work on your ExtMus assignment then instead of tonight. I am officially in a good mood.

I iz choosing SCHMILE! ... for the first time in a while. Be proud!



As such, my life continues as, well, I'd say normal, but it's not. Let's leave it as this: my life continues. My emotions may be fluxuating more than InuYasha's do when he's on his man period [and man, that is some crazy emotion] but, that's okay. I have faith that everything will be alright, even if it's feeling messed up now. Aw. I'm all empowered at the moment, so, I should end on that feeling. That's all, folks!

The Dark Side Has Cookies

I have been banned from Blogging. No, I have been banned from the internet. I used up most of my parent's broadband bandwidth for the month by downloading [by an updated estimate] of 8GB worth of Torrents. So, deciding to download a few whole anime series wasn't a smart idea. Under this ban, I managed to stay away from the internet for... Five days. I've only caved today, because my parents implied that they were okay with me going on basic internet sites, as long as I wasn't going out of my way to download anything. You know, I've actually enjoyed not going on the internet. In the time I would usually spend in my room, looking blankly at a screen, I have been walking outside, or riding my scooter, or just simply getting away from it all. Okay, so I've been watching Princess Tutu too. I finished the series yesterday, and I sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed. I don't usually re-watch things (unless they have a title of Total Drama World Tour. I cannot count how many times I have re-watched that show. It's insane. And I still love it so much), I mean, I loved CLANNAD to itty bitty bits and pieces, yet, I started re-watching some episodes, and very quickly gave up. It just felt like nothing. But, anyway, I have resolved to re-watch Princess Tutu. I think I would physically just fall apart if I didn't, so, it's not really a choice. I just felt so connected to the characters. Their development is insane. Especially with Fakir. And I'm not just saying that as a fangirl. He goes from being a snarky, set-in-his-ways, pretty much loner (which was still hot, buuuuut...), to the most epic and amazing hero ever. I'm pretty sure I cried my eyes out when he said to Ahiru:

That's alright, isn't it? That's who you really are. Even after that time comes, I'll stay by your side forever [...] Let's go back to being our true selves.

The romance... It hurts. So. Good. *cries*

Basically, Ahiru wanted to give Mytho the last piece of his heart back, so he could kill this raven, and save Rue, who had decided he was in love with. But, the last piece was in her necklace, and her reluctance to end the story was stopping her from taking it off. She wanted her friends to be happy, but she was still worried about everything ending, and that when it did, she would go back to being a duck, all alone. So, she thinks that if she drowns herself in a lake, she'll die, and the last piece of Mytho's heart will return to him. Fakir, having had to write this down [urgh. Cannot be bothered to explain his writing powers], runs to her side. He pulls her into a romantic pas de deux (for all you ballet ametures, a dance between a man and a woman. It only only ever done if said people are deeply in love, sooo...) and promises that no matter what, he will always love her, and he will always be with her. Her true self is a duck, and his true self is someone who is weak of heart and has "done nothing but BE protected". Finally Ahiru realises that she's in love with Fakir, and she may be weak on her own, but he is her strength, and therefore, whatever comes, will come, and she is okay with that, because she has him. Dear goodness, it is so romantic. I'm getting all blubbery now just thinking about it. I should stop talking about this anime now. I talk about it way too much. And think about it way too much. I even bought the DVD set, even though I downloaded all the episodes. Which, was money well spent, by the way. The extra features and specials on the DVD are so great, and the booklet with all the cast interviews was just awesome... and hello, one of the DVDs had a FakirxAhiru picture on it.

Okay, so I totally just missed the point of this post by talking about PT. In there, all the characters become better people throughout the series. In all of the four main characters, I felt a little of myself mirrored. Actually, so much so that watching the show was sometimes confronting. But, anyways, they all made each other better people, and developed so much. I, on the other hand, am on a downwards spiral. The A -Grade student me can kiss my... hand. I have actually given up on caring about grades. I have said this so many times in my life, but, for the first time, I mean it. I really do. Something has changed within me; something is not the same. I don't want to develop into a bad person, I truly don't. But, part of me has given up on myself at the moment. Suddenly a pass has become as good as an A, and just getting through school has become as good as being epic at school. Being back for just one day has hammered me. I want to live my life to the fullest, but when I go to school, I just feel... Dead. Like some puppet, going through the motions, rather than living my life. I no longer want to achieve high. I just want to leave... quickly. Quite frankly, my life just feels wrong right now. I'm going through every day, feeling uneasy for no particular reason. Something's just not right. I feel like I'm meant to be in a different place to where I am. Did I stuff up somewhere along the way, and somehow epically defy what would have been a good fate? I don't know. I do know that I'd like a tall, dark and snarky hottie to tell me that he'd stay by my side forever, but then again, wouldn't everyone?

As always, I should be working on assignments. I don't care that I'm not. Part of me wants to fail. Part of me wants to run out of a classroom screaming. Part of me wants to laugh in my teachers' faces. Because, there is a part of me that is going to explode with frustrated emotion. I really don't want to stop trying my hardest at things, and be a lazy idiot, but just thinking about school work makes me ache inside and want to throw up. I feel like it's holding me back from something, but what? What? It's so frustrating. My heart is so obviously crying out for something, but I don't know what it is. Uck. I just looked at my Facebook wall. I don't even feel inclined to post anything. For some reason, reading everyone's posts disgusted me, even if they were posted by people I like and respect. It all just seems so insignificant. Most things at the moment seem insignificant. So then, why doesn't an anime about a duck-ballerina-chick, living in a world controlled by stories? I would like to talk to my dear friends about my problems, but whenever I go to say something serious, silly words come out of my mouth... Words that mean nothing, that I wish I wasn't saying. It's something I can write about, but it's something that I just can't bring myself to talk about. It's like, if you read this online, then it's almost a story. In real life, it's just that- real. I've never been the sort of person to share burdens with other people. I'm still like Fakir, at the beginning of the story: trying to do everything on my own, and getting annoyed by everyone around me. I don't want that, I want to change into the strong, compassionate hero of my own story; someone who is in control of what they do, who doesn't let life float by. I'm just... being held back, by something.

So, I'm going to do some soul-searching. I worry that it's not something inside of me that has to change, and that it's something external, that I have no control over. Nevertheless, tonight I'm going to look deep within myself, and hopefully discover something. If that means not doing my homework, or working on assignments, then so be it. I apologise if you've felt like you've wasted precious minutes of your life reading this post, I just needed to write it. It's like when I got told to be quiet today, because I was speaking so fast and crazily that no-one could understand me. The point of my speaking wasn't to be understood, it was to say the words in the first place, for my own sake. /sighs/ I know my life is going to get better, I just have to get through this horrible waiting period without turning to the dark side... even if they do haz cookies.

Writin' and fangirlin'

Ah, so I finally finished the reading part of my English Extension assignment. 900 words exactly, bros. And, oh, it sucks btw. Absolute and utter rubbish that is going to be hammered when it gets marks. But, whatevs. It's a draft. It can be fixed. I still need a good 600 words extra, but I'll do that tomorrow or the day after. I don't get the defence part at all. Did I mention that I don't care? I swapped Physics for ExtentionEng. I was only getting a C (sometimes B)  in Physics, so therefore, it doesn't bother me if I only get that in ExtEng. Yeah, for normal English, I'll do anything to get an A+, and I'd like [metaphorically] die if I got something lower than an A-. But, ExtEng, bah, don't give a damn. As long as it's done, I'm all cool.

Anyways, I just finished episode 10 of Princess Tutu. ZOMG EPIC! Okay, it's time for pretty pictures :3
This episode ended where the last one kicked off: Rue had one again turned into the evil princess Kraehe (which was originally Romanised to be Claire [lolz] but they changed it, for some reason), in a desperate attempt to stop Mytho from falling in love with Princess Tutu. Apparently she's always going stuff, Just For Evulz, but it's pretty obvious that all the 'evil' and messed stuff she does it just because she wants to be loved. Anyways, whenever Kraehe is about to absolutely pwn everyone, she suddenly has some bout of depression, and disappears. It's like the Rue in her is struggling with having turned into such an antagonistic character, and can't bear to hurt the people who are her friends when she's the normal Rue. So, yeah, she disappears. Princess Tutu [/Ahiru/Duck] and Fakir get into a bitch fight, because Fakir wants to shatter Mytho's heart again, whcih will apparently protect him. Princess Tutu is all "Noooo. How can you be so mean? He wants his heart back, bitch. How dare you have a different opinion to me?" and Fakir is all "I know more than you do, twerp. It's so on. Imma kill you if you don't get outta my way. I betcha you couldn't and wouldn't kill me." and she's all "Noooo. I could never kill you. I'm just so nice, waaah. But, touch Mytho and diiiiie! Wait, I just said I wouldn't kill you. *awkward*" ... okay, so I made the last sentence up, but you catch my drift... maybe.

Mmmm. Tensionyyyyy.

So, he tries to shatter Mytho's heart again, but LOLFAIL misses. Instead, he accientally cuts off Princess Tutu's jewel necklace thingo. Couldn't see this coming at all *sarcasm* - Fakir lets Tutu go, and doesn't try to shatter Mytho's heart again. Because, dudes, he aint half as jerkass as he pretends to be. That's not to say that he doesn't hate Tutu, because, by goodness, he hates her at this stage. But, his underlying nice-ness prevents him from intentionally doing anything that will hurt her... save stealing her necklace. Did I mention that if Ahiru doesn't have this necklace, she's stuck as a duck, and can no longer turn into Ahiru [the human] or Princess Tutu? Well, yeah. So there's Fakir, with her humanity in his hands, and he doesn't even know it.

HE DOES HAZ THE NECKLACE!

...and that was just the first, erm, less than five minutes. Did I say that this episode was epic? Because it is epic. Ahiru, stuck as a duck, goes to look for her necklace, so that she can turn back into a human. And well, this involves pretty much stalking Fakir. She follows him everywhere. To classes, to his room, to his adopted father's place, to a church, to the lake. Yeah, I'll talk more about the lake later. Zomg. She follows him when he is in the shower. Okay, so she doesn't actually go in, but she was willing to, if it meant getting her necklace back. But, he comes out of the shower before it comes to that. He comes out shirtless. Showing his hot scar-like birthmark and all. *drools* Fanservice, ahoy!

Moving on. Naturally, because Ahiru is following Fakir everywhere, we get to learn a lot more about him this episode. Which, was like, yaysuperhappyawesometimes for me. Okay, so, let's talk about that. In the episode before, we'd found out that Fakir's role in the story [seeing as all the main characters are kinda reincarnations of people from a legendary story, and their fates mirror these mythical characters] is to be the loyal knight of the prince [Mytho] who is doomed to die, protecting him. Dude sees a picture of his character being slashed in half (hm. He has a birthmark that mirrors this slash, not to make things obvious at all) and freaks. Every time he thinks about his fate, he starts actually shaking. Pretty much, he just doesn't want to die. He knows that he's going to die, but he refuses to accept it. Hence why he's been trying to stop Mytho from getting the pieces of his heart back: if Mytho doesn't get his heart, Fakir won't die. Yet, he still wants to protect Mytho more than he doesn't want to die. In this episode, we learn that Fakir's parents died when he was a young child, and he was left in the care of an antiques salesman, who first told him of the legends. Then, they found Mytho almost dead on the streets, and after befriending him, Fakir vowed that he would protect him always. Aww HoYay.

After learning this, Ahiru is all "Aw. Wow, this dude is kinda awesome. Maybe I misjudged him." Hm, ya think? Ohohohoh, I forgot to mention that Fakir is really, really, really nice to duck Ahiru. In previous episodes, he'd always been the only one to find her as a duck (obviously he didn't know it was her, he just thought it was some random cute duck) and always said sweet things to her, and fed her bread, and just acted downright adorable. Which confuzzled the heck out of Ahiru, because he was annoyed by the schoolgirl her, and pretty much wanted to kill the Princess Tutu her. Et hem. So, he finds duck Ahiru stalking him quite a few times in this episode, and treats her so sweetly, even when her ducky self tries to snatch the necklace out of his hands. Ya know, they say guys that treat animals well treat women well too *fangirling* Ah! Back on track. At one stage, Fakir gets into a massive fight with his adoptive father, and ends up crying some manly tears regarding this and his fate, by the lake.

Waaaaah! Don't cry, Fakir... or I'll cry too.

Ducky Ahiru comes along, and sees him crying. She starts crying herself. Having become quite attached to ducky Ahiru, and seeing her cry for him, Fakir is moved. He scoops her up in his arms, and they both have a good old bawl together. It is so sweet. I was "N'awwwww"ing like crazy.

I don't know whether to go shipping crazy, fangirl crazy, or zomgsweetness crazy. It's. Just. So. Nice.

After this, Fakir gives ducky Ahiru the necklace, seeing that her ducky self had seemed to want it, and not knowing about her also being Ahiru/Princess Tutu. Like I said, sweet. So, after he walks away, Ahiru transforms into Princess Tutu once more, and dashes off to the church, because, Kraehe has decided that she's going to marry Mytho. Mytho is such a vacant fool, and never stands up for himself, so Tutu has to go and save him. But, Kraehe traps her, and says that she's going to be a wedding sacrifice, when... In a knight's costume, on a horse, Fakir comes crashing into the scene. It was kinda predictable, but, I still say there giggling and clapping like a schoolgirl.

So. Heroic. *fangirlfangirlfangirl*

Fakir goes to attack Kraehe, but she pushes Mytho in front of her. Just when she's about to get all evil on them, once again, she has some issue with herself, and disappears. Tutu and Fakir seem to come to some sort of "I don't like you, but I'm not going to fight you" truce, and Tutu runs away, back to the school dorms.

Revealing outfit much? Buuuut, I'd still love to cosplay as that.

 Just as she's changed back into a girl, she climbs over the gates of the school. She was too darn slow, though and has to hide herself, hearing Mytho and Fakir returning to school from the church. Oh, and she sucks at hiding...

Sprung!

Yep, Fakir sees her straight away. He asks her what she's doing out so late (seeing as he only knows girl Ahiru to be a normal student at his school), and of course, she can't answer. So she babbles, and runs away. But, ahahahahahaha, her necklace starts glowing as she does. As she runs and hides in a school buiding, Fakir is left standing there being all "*shocked* Princess Tutu?" ... and that's how the episode ends.

FakirxAhiru, bros.

Okay, so you didn't need that much detail, but I needed to gush about it. Kaykaykaykay, I need to go watch more of this show.

Could We Start Again, Please?

TEH ANIMES HAZ CALLED ME BACK! Yeah bros, introductory sentence, LOLCAT style. If a post that has a title which references a Jesus Christ Superstar song, is about anime and has an opening sentences that uses "bad grammars" for comedic effect doesn't seem awesome to you, then... I don't know, you suck.

Anyway, I have returned to watching two anime series that I truly thought I had given up on. I was sitting at my laptop, after finishing the 350 words of my English Extension assignment that I said I would do today, and I though to myself: Gee, I really feel like watching Arakawa Under the Bridge.
For those of you who don't know what it is, yeah, you're sane. Okay, I'll try and make this as simple as possible...

Arakawa Under the Bridge is the weirdest show I have ever watched. In my entire life. And I have watched many shows. Holy gumballs, this anime has some strange crud kicking off. It is about a bunch of homeless people, who live under a bridge in Japan, and think that they are "kappas" from Venus. That's right venus. And they're not kidding, they actually believe that they're not from this world. There is one sane character in the entire show, and that is Rou... and he aint that sane. The son of a very wealthy businessman, Rou believes that you should never ever be indebted to anyone. If you are, you should repay the debt straight away. So, when Rou falls off a brigde, trying to get his pants that some youths stole off him and hung up the top, and the beautiful (but oh, so, so strange) Nino saves him, he flips out something chronic. Feeling that he owes his life to her, he promises Nino that he will do anything to repay her. Her request: for him to live under the bridge with her, and be her lover. Now, when I say lover, I mean 'person who hangs around', because these guys have the weirdest relationship ever.


It's even stranger than it looks... Which is a whole lotta strange.



Not as weird as the other people that live under the bridge. Did I mention, there is a guy who wears a mask that makes him look like he has a star for a head, a guy who looks and acts like a turtle, a military man who is dressed as a nun, called "Sister" and a little girl who looks innocent, but is the most violent and manipulative thing ever born. Ya know, just to name a few. And this isn't even the strangest part. I can't even describe the stuff they actually get up to, it's just crazy. But, oh, it is beyond hilarious. This anime actually gets really good reviews, and is pretty unanimously liked. I would say that it's something that has to be watched along with something else. If you watch this anime and nothing else, your brain will just explode with wtf-ery. But, if watched in conjunction with something else, it's super enjoyable. So please, watch at least one episode and come and talk to me about it. I really need someone else to share the weird with.

You haven't seen weird, til you've seen Arakawa Under the Bridge.

It's true. Oh! The animation is pretty amazeballs. KyoAni, who did CLANNAD as well as many other Visual Arts/Key animes, amongst others, take the cake for best animation, like, ever. But, the animation in Arakawa is pretty darn impressive. Especially the detail in the sky, and river water. Sooo prettyful :3

Moving on! So, I'm really glad that I started watching that anime again. It's full of awesome, in the strangest way possible. Another anime that I re-started today was Princess Tutu. Now, when I say I'm watching this anime, no-one ever takes me seriously. Even my little sister, who is such a kid at heart, laughed at me when I said I was watching such a show. Guyssssss, it's a serious anime! Whoever gave it that title should be sacked because, dude, you just lost half your audience by giving it such a kiddie, silly name. On TVtropes, it's under the trope of Better than it Sounds. And, it really, really, really, really, really, really, really is. Did I say 'really' enough times? It is so much better than it sounds. It even sounds lame when I describe it, but honestly, it's starting to become one of my favourite animes ever.

The characters are all ballet students in a fairytale-esque town, sound kiddie? Their ballet teacher is a cat, who threatens to force his underage students to marry him if they don't perform well, sound beastial and pedo? The main character is actually a duck, who has been granted the gift of being human so she can help a prince find pieces of his heart. Oh, and she turns into the beautiful ballerina Princess Tutu whenever she's doing this, sound lame?

Okay, now that we've established the strangeness. Yes, it is the second weirdest anime I have ever watched. It's pretty obvious what the first is. But, it's incredibly addictive, and just downright good. I'll admit, I watched the first three episodes a few months ago, and I liked it, but I never actually thought that I'd return to watching it. I am so glad that I did. The only reason I even started watching the show was because, well, I was looking through the Beneath the Mask page on TVtropes and I saw this:

Fakir, initially portrayed as a selfish, manipulative jerkass, accidentally reveals himself to be a Jerk with a Heart of Gold when Ahiru is briefly stuck as a duck and he falls under the influence of Cuteness Proximity.

... can't breathe. Fangirling. Too. Much.

And I went "Ooooooh. Jerkass to jerk with a heart of gold. I love characters that change like that. I love this guy already." Then, I read somewhere that he was tall, dark and snarky, had a fangirl moment to myself, and decided to watch the show. Yep, Fakir was everything in a character that I had hoped he would be. Eeek! I'm fangirling here just thinking about him. New character crush! Well, I liked him when I first watched the series, but I didn't go super-uber-fangirl until today, so it counts as new.

Anyways, for some reason, watching Arakawa Under the Bridge made me want to watch Princess Tutu. So, I re-looked it up on TVtropes, and I discovered, that FakirxAhiru (the main character duck chick) actually ends up being a canon ship, and I like, jumped for joy. I had shipped these two so hard, beause they were always arguing and pretty much hated each other. I wouldn't call it BST, but it was awesome. Thank goodness Ahiru stops wanting Mytho (dude. Get your heart back and show some emotion) and decided to have a thing for a character who is actually interesting. And oh, their relationship gets so deep! Actually, I discovered that the end of the show is actually incredibly sad. If I hadn't accidentally ruined it for myself by reading spoilers, I think I may have cried. Nevertheless, I can't wait until I get to the sad/intense parts. They are going to be so epic! I just know it. Okay, so I'm only up to episode 7, and there's 38 episodes. But, at the rate I'm watching 'em, I'll get there sometime in the not too distant future.

CANZ THEY BE TOGETHER FOREVER? Argh. This picture is from a trailer for the show, where Fakir whisks Ahiru away from Mytho while he is dancing with her, and kisses her. I watched it and died. For some stupid reason, it never happens in the actual show. Devo.

Thus, I have returned to those unfinished animes. If you take the slightest interest in either, I highly recommend that you watch it. The former is hilarious and weird. The latter is weird, but oh so amazing. And, Fakir. It's worth watching the whole thing just for him. To show that the fan world agrees with me, I shall leave you with a quote from TVtropes:

Estrogen Brigade Bait

Fakir from Princess Tutu. Tall Dark And Snarky, Slipknot Ponytail, a birthmark that looks like a huge scar right across his chest shown off in the most fanservicey manner possible; a Deadpan Snarker who eventually becomes/is revealed to be a Jerk with a Heart of Gold, fiercely loyal, determined and protective; has a tragic backstory and a very strong sense of inadequacy, since his "role in the story" is basically to die; has epic swordfights; is completely wrapped up in Mytho to the point which even the main character comments that Fakir/Mytho is a real possibility; provides 80% of the Ho Yay and UST in the entire show just by existing; and gets his clothes ripped to pieces on a regular basis. In fact, he occasionally rips up his own clothes (this has not been explained). Also, he dances. He dances ballet. He also cooks. There is a reason why the Fakir Faction is so huge, you know. *fans self*

With that, I shall run off to watch some more Princess Tutu. Buenos noches, all!

Poker Face

Bonjour, my little blog followers!
I am writing to you with, wrapped in a snuggie, cradling a wheat bag while someone twists a knife in my insides... Well, it feels like that anyway. Ah yes, I just love debilitating sickness, it is just oh so fun. After having read the Lonely Plant guides to Paris, Rome and London, cover-cover (twice!) I find myself with not much to do, but lie around in pain. Currently, I'm trying to distract myself by blogging, but my touch keypad is so dodgy and is typing everything a good half second slower than I am, so it is making me more annoyed than anything.

Right! I did come here to actually blog with a purpose, so let the anecdote begin! Two days ago, my mother had a birthday party. Almost everyone in family is fairly antisocial, so actually holding a gathering was a pretty big and uncommon event. That said, when my family actually puts on a party, boy, do we put on a party. I helped out heaps with everything, and my Mum had a great time, which was awesome. Anyway, we were talking afterwards, and I told her that I was really depressed and worried about school, and that everything wasn't going so well. Before that, I'd just assumed that everyone knew hoe much I was hating school, and that I was having a bad time. Apparently not. My parents are particularly attentive, and yet my own mother had not even noticed that I'd been struggling with school-related depression for a good 2 months.

That really made me realise something: I hide my emotions, feelings and beliefs so much. How would someone know how you'd been doing, when you only ever described your day as 'Ehh'? I pretty much just walk around with a poker face, trying to show as little emotion as possible. Even when I do get emotional, it is usually very calculated. Like, I'll say to myself "I give you permission to smile now" or "I give you permission to cry now" or "I give you permission to be upset". I don't like it when I'm not in full control of my emotions, which is a problem, because, try as I might, my face often ends up giving away exactly how I feel, unless I'm able to somehow think of something unrelated. It's pretty silly- trying to be an emotionless being. I mean, I've even given up commenting on videos on YouTube because I'm so afraid that someone might see my comment and reply, or dislike it. Why should I even care what random people think?

It's not like it's even people I don't know that I mainly try and seem neutral too. When I talk to someone, I very rarely being up problems that are personal to myself, and if I do, it's often in a joking manner. Heck, I don't even usually talk about the things I like to people; I usually let them choose what they want to talk about, and go along with that. I think to myself "Who wants to hear about me? Everyone else has their own set of likes and dislikes, their own things to worry about. Why would I impose mine on them?" I even do this with my own parents, which is pretty terrible, because parents generally want to be there to support their own children. You know, I don't even ever listen to music, unless it's with earphones, because I don't want other people (even my family) to hear what I'm listening to. I know they wouldn't care, or judge me, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I suppose that's it: I'm too afraid to share myself with other people. Heh. I really am socially inept. Sometimes, I even avoid replying to things on Facebook that people have sent me, because I think that I'll have a lame reply. So instead, I read how everyone else talks it out and hope that next time I'll have something that I deem worthwhile to say. It's quite pathetic, really.

... And strange. I truly love bring there for people, and helping them through tough times, but if I were to confess to having an issue, other than the well-known "I hate school", I would feel strange and see myself as weak. This isn't really good, because I usually end up getting so filled with built-up worry and depression, that it all just comes out in one big session of sobbing and warbling. It certainly ain't pretty.

So, somehow in my strange mix of social inept-ness, hatred of showing weakness and self-issues, I have become someone who has troubles sharing anything about themselves. You know, used to be the most social and outgoing kid. Every kiddie wad my friend, every little dude wanted to marry me, and I never stopped talking about anything and everything. I'm not quite sure where it all went wrong, and I became this wannabe pokerfaced introvert. I'm sure that being bullied for a good 4 years if my life had something to do with it, along with my annoyance at those who talked and thought of nothing but themselves. Which is kinda what I do on this blog, but oh well. This is my outlet, and I've come to really need it. Most of my life, I've kept a diary, and I guess this blog has replaced it.

I'm beginning to feel many of my close friendships slipping away from me, because of my unwillingness to communicate. I really do want to have a chat with everyone, but, I just can't bring myself to, for some reason. I do feel like I'm missing out, when I hear that everyone stayed up late talking to each other, or just sending strange messages. But, so much of me abhors social networking and chats (especially MSN. I hate MSN with all my being. I feel so trapped when I get on it, so I rarely do anymore) that I feel like I can't face going on there. Why I've been able to become so attached to blogging, I'll never know. It doesn't really make much sense.

Anyway, moving on. I hope that everyone hasn't forgotten me, or hates me because I don't come online much, and I have trouble talking about myself. It's a weird antisocial trait, and I am trying to get over it. It's not going well, but I'm trying. I'm sorry for being so strange, and not having normal issues or feelings. For better or worse, it's just the odd kiddo that I am.