New Years' Revolutions

Greetings Earthlings, I come in pieces. Having returned from my month long overseas trip of magnificence, I am now able to reflect on my life with a little more understanding of how little it means in the scheme of things (how fun). Never fear, I don't mean this in a gloomy way. More of a "holy Shi'ite persons, the world is a big place that's been around for a darn long time." I mean, I saw stuff that has been around since before Jesus. In Brisbane, you're lucky to see something that existed before me. So, because of this new perspective, I've been able to compose a decent list of New Years' resolutions, for the first time ever. Usually my list looks like this:

- Work harder at school (lol jks who am I kidding, I work harder than most people and I don't want to put in any additional effort)
- See lots of live theatre without having to pay for it
- Okay, pay for some of the theatre if I have to
- Have a social life
- I've changed my mind. I don't want a social life, just lots of good TV so I can forget I don't have a social life
- Fall in love. Fall in like? SHARE EYE CONTACT WITH SOMEONE IN A FRIENDLY MANNER?
- Find something substantial to put on next year's resolution list

But with a view like this on the NYE just past, how could I not write something with just a fragment more substance?

Going to the Trevi Fountain was actually a nightly thing while I was in Rome, because it was only a few streets down from where I was staying. Funnily enough, it was actually less busy than usual on NYE, but that's a story for another time. It certainly was a beautiful, albeit crowded, place to visit. Sadly, I couldn't party hard, because I had to catch a flight to Hong Kong the next day. This didn't stop the people in the apartment above us, though. They decided they'd like to set off mini-bombs and throw cartons of oranges all over the street. I don't know what was with the oranges. Maybe someone was personally offended by an orange once, so they took out their rage by throwing dozens of them to the streets? I'd wager money on drunkenness, but I prefer the first hypothesis.

Before I (finally) get into the resolutions, I'd like to bore you reflect a little upon the year that has been. It'll be short, I swear. I think the best way to describe that past twelve months is "bittersweet." I have this memory from about a year ago. My clicky clique and I all met up at Tenuto Tuo's place a few days before Year 12 started, met his then boyfriend, played Wii and just had a really good time. I remember thinking how everyone seemed so much more comfortable in themselves than I'd ever seen them before, and how ready we all seemed to leave school. This time a year later, I feel more inclined to say the opposite. The past year has been quite the challenge and I feel like it has broken a lot of people. Not beyond repair, but I think most people have cracks from the stress and just the general peculiarity of the year. I've gone through all the phases: confidence, apathy, frustration, apathy, determination, apathy, hurt, apathy, confusion, apathy, relief. Overall, I'd say I've been way too apathetic to life. It's the only reason I came out of this year much more unscathed than most: because I simply didn't care. That's not to say that I was all "I hate the world, diiiiiiiiiie everyone, diiiiiiiiie school, diiiiiiiiie!" although I am a terrible whinger at times! My problem is that I think in a past tense. Instead of thinking "Wow, this is amazing!" or "Wow, this can suck my... thumb" I think "In a few hours this will all be over, and I'll be in bed." And this is okay for getting through tough times, but it's not a satisfying way to live life. Therefore my first resolution is:

Have more enthusiasm!~ And yes, live for the moment a little more.

My social phobia has stopped me from doing a fair bit this year. Considerably less than last year, but it's still been a hindrance. Although it's slowly melting away, I'd like to start the new year by smashing it to pieces, so my next resolution is:

Talk to anyone you feel like. Say what you want to. Don't fear judgement. Have confidence in your own opinion and worth.


As well as gaining confidence, I need to take on more responsibility. I've lived a happy life with my parents and sister thus far, and although I don't rely on anyone too much emotionally, I need to learn to fend for myself in the world. I need to grow up, actually become an adult and look after myself. So, my third resolution is:

Become more financially independent and self-sufficient.


I also need to clean up my language. No self, it is not okay to swear in every single sentence, even if it is only in your mind. It also ruins long, persuasive sentences when you swear. But, damn fuck shit, it's so habitual. I've been saying this for five years, but I will conquer my potty mouth!

Swear less. A lot less.


My negative attitude has also ruined many experiences that would have otherwise been pleasant over the past few years. Gahn, I can be such a downer sometimes. And yet, so hyper others. I swear I'm not bipolar! Anyway, my natural facial expression seems to be a either a scowl, or look of apathy, even if I'm thinking nice happy thoughts or feeling good. So, I'm going to make sure I change it to a slight smile! And I'm going to overcome my mind battles and think of everything in a nicer light. Snarking can be cool, but not constantly.

Adopt a more positive attitude. Be happier!


I've been told by many people that I'm the sort of person who has the ability to achieve anything in the world, no matter how great or impossible it may seem. And not even in the way that you say it to every decent-seeming person. It's been... weird. But I've also been told that my lack of self-confidence stops me from doing anything, and it's true. I don't really have confidence in my ability to do anything, and it shows in everything I do. But, I want to love myself again! I don't mean that I want to have an ego complex, I just want to be able to accept myself for who I am, and realise that I'm not useless. Yes, I'm clumsy and forgetful, but I'm also talented and hard-working. Whoa, that was hard to write. But I want it to get easier! And it will get easier. This year, I will learn to love myself!

Have confidence in yourself. Love yourself for who you are, mistakes and all. Everyone makes mistakes, it doesn't make you worthless or incompetent.


Aaaand, now for something more practical. I've had my Learner's licence for just over a year now, and I've managed to drive the required 100 hours, but I still need 2 hours of night driving. Luckily, my travel hasn't really affected my driving skills at all, so I should be able to send in my logbook and try for a licence in the next few months. The university I'm going to go to is quite a far way away. Well, not really, it's just hard for me to get to. I live rurally, which mean I'm far out from the city and any form of public transport. Right now, if I want to drive anywhere, it has to be with my parents. So I really want to get my licence and save up for a car so I can have some freedom in how I get around! If I don't, I'll have to leave at 6a.m with my parents every morning. I'll drive to catch a bus, to interchange, to catch a train to get to uni. And then I'll have to do that to get home. Every single day I have a class or lecture. Fun, fun, fun, fun.

Get your Ps and save for a car.


There's this one I should also add in. Le sigh. I need to get fit. I have a perfect BMI and I'm not fat, but I am so unfit it's not funny. I see so little sunlight that I have to take vitamin D supplements, and I live in Australia. Mind you, I purposefully avoid the sun because other medication I take makes me super-sun-sensitive. And I'm pale as, so I burn easily. But enough with the excuses! I've never been fit in my life, and I need to stop using the excuse "I don't need to be fit, because I'm an academic!" to try and get out of it. Physical health is important too. This year is the year to fix it!

Get fit and be active!

 I'm rather terrible at staying in touch with people. My low self confidence causes me to not really want to message anyone, like ever. Even if they're my closest friends. So I'll often stay away from social networking for days or weeks at a time. I know, I'm a bad person. But there are so many people that I've seen every day for the past few years that I won't be in contact with ever again if I don't make the effort. It's time for me to stand up, and make sure I stick with the people I love. I will not let my stupid esteem be the reason for losing contact with wonderful people!

Stay in contact with school friends.


I think these can all be summed up in one single goal. Do I intend to do it? Oh heck yes. Do I think I will do it? Who knows. We'll just have to wait and see.

Let go of fear. Live your life to the fullest.


GRANT ME THE POWER TO REVOLUTIONISE THE WOOOOOORLD. I'm sorry, I watched way too much Revolutionary Girl Utena tonight, so I just had to.Waaah, nobody would have watched that show. But you all should, because it's amazing. That is, if you don't mind lots of symbolism, YMMV lesbianism, incest, metaphysical elements and old animation. But it really is a masterpiece. Go watch it. Now. I'm kidding, dark and disturbing magical girl animes are just my thing. Who am I kidding? I love mindscrew in general. 


That's all folks. Hopefully I'll be back soon, happily blogging on the random adventures I had in Europe and Hong Kong. But for now, I won't say sayonara, because I know we shall meet again~