So, last week was schoolies week. I don't know what it's called in other parts of the world, of if anywhere else even does it, but in Australia it's the week after year twelves finish school, and everyone goes on a massive holiday with their graduating friends and does whatever the hell they want to (well hello there, post I made on the topic a few months ago.) For the majority of people in Queensland, it means going to the Gold Coast and getting drunk, laid and in all kinds of trouble. Cool story bro, we all know that I'm physically incapable of doing the normal thing. So my nerd-muso-hacker-band-of-awesomeness posse and I hired out a holiday house in a street that had three retirement villages in it. I kid you not, we were the only people under the age of 60 in the entire street. Doesn't that sound like the best way to par-tay?
Actually, it was. It turned out to be one of the best and most random weeks of my life. Here's why:
1. It all started with prank calls and fake alcohol
Night one, and we're all already drunk on non-alcoholic mixers. How is that even possible? We tried to prank call a friend. It failed. So one of the guys prank called the Reading and Writing Hotline. You know, most people actually make up random shiz when they prank call people. What did he do? He breathed at them. It was one of the creepiest things I have ever beheld. I ran into the bathroom laughing so hard that I fell to the floor, as you do. Still, he is a bad person. Poor Reading and Writing Hotline Dude who answered the phone.
2. The One Where A Hacker Tries To Hit On One Of Your Friend And Fails Miserably
So, we were chilling at the beach on the second day, when a friend of one of the guys (who no one else knew) turned up and started chatting to him. Ah yeah, that's cool. Let him talk to the random guy about computers and all that jazz. Then he tried to get us to come to his house. Then he wanted to come to our house. But he left in the end and we all got home and ate lots of food. Happy endings yay. Except, he came and met us at the beach the day after that and still wanted to come over. He seemed like a nice enough dude, so we agreed. Fast forward a few hours, and we're sitting around playing Halo like bosses. Well, I'm not. In fact, I think I got all of one point on that round. I'm not usually that bad. So I ragequit and hacker-dude-who-had-just-turned-up-at-our-house took my place. When walking off from ragequitting I noticed something odd. All of my friends (bar two) had disappeared. I went upstairs and found them all hiding from the carbon-based life form that had turned up in our living room. Loving the social skills, guys. I can't really remember what happened next, one moment I was reading a book, the next minute everything was shipping and nothing hurt. One of my male friends came upstairs and proclaimed that Miss Invisible and the hacker had a thing going on, so naturally I went downstairs to spy on them, erm, get something to drink. They were just playing Halo together, but Miss Invisible walked away to do something. Male Friend #1 says "Make sure you take advantage of her!" in the most sus-dude-I'm-not-talking-about-Halo-but-you're-dumb-and-will-think-I-am way possible, and the hacker was all "Yeah, I will!"
At this point, I choked on my drink laughing. Hacker and MI went back to Halo, and Male Friend #1 not so subtly said "I'll leave you two to get it on!" which caused me to actually fall down laughing. Hacker dude, still seemed to miss the implications, but MI sure didn't and shot the both of us a dirty glare. We ran back upstairs in hysterics. The next hour was spent running back and forth between the bedroom and kitchen 'getting stuff to eat.' Lolno, I was not spying on them, what are you talking about. Apart from the fact that, you know, she has a boyfriend, the shipping was going peachy. It was obvious that he was more than interested. Then he did the unthinkable. He hacked her computer. Yes, when I want to attract someone I completely betray their trust and damage their valuables. Oh my gosh, if I'd actually known him, I would have screamed at him. I think he was trying to impress her, because Male Friend #2, the one who knew him, is a complete computer genius, to the point of possibly even being a threat to national security. Even he knows that the way to hit on girls isn't through computers and was completely facepalming. So Mr Hacker Guy left the house, without getting some, and with a bunch of us laughing at him. Did I mention that he left his hard drive at our house, so Male Friend #2 bugged it? Sorry bro, life obviously hates you.
3. Weet Bix Jenga
The fricking most awesome game you will ever play in your life. Shockingly, it's like Jenga, but with Weetbix. Instead of putting them back, you eat them. Yeah, you eat them good. There's no rules, except that whatever goes on the tower has to be eaten. That was a lot of Weet Bix, I can tell you.
4. Truth or Dare without the dare or sexual questions
How is it possible? When you sign up fro Truth or Dare, you expect weird dares and explicit questions, right? You don't expect to leave crying and hugging everyone, right? You don't expect people to expose their soul and talk about some of their biggest issues and secrets, right? Well, that's how this session, now known as Truth, turned out. There was depressing music playing, and everyone just started crying and sharing things in an intimate session of trust. It was truly beautiful.
5. The Noodle Incident that followed...
So, after everyone was done pouring their souls out, it was time to have some fun. And what's more fun than making the biggest batch of 2 minute noodles ever? It was two in the morning, which always signals the 'lolz I'm not tired any more, let's party forever' stage. To be honest, they were the worst tasting noodles ever. But those who hadn't yet fallen asleep ate multiple serves anyway. We weren't even hungry. We just wanted to eat noodles. But there were still too many. Way too many. We had to find a way to dispose of them, but it was completely dark outside. Despite this, I ventured out to get rid of the noodles. It was almost like disposing of a body. There seemed to be nowhere obvious to put them, and we didn't want to wake up all the old folk in the street. In the end, I stumbled around to the back yard, flung the noodles into a bush and ran for my life. I found them in the shrubbery the next day. Pfft, I didn't put them there. Don't you know noodles grow on trees?
6. Failed pizza delivery and the Society of Mitch Haters
Bros and hoes, when I order my pizza, I want it speedily delivered to my door, piping hot. I do not want to have to wait two hours, and have to chase the pizza guy down two streets to get it, only to find that eight pieces of garlic bread are missing. But, if this were to occur, I wouldn't have a cool story to tell. Let me begin. It was a dreary dull day, almost as if the sun were to bored to shine on us. The general atmosphere of the house was similar. No one wanted to do much. No one wanted to cook much. So Male Friend #1 decided to shout us all pizza. Free food is totally my scene, so I went out and made him order me three courses. I can be a bitch sometimes. Anyway, he agreed to pay for everyone's food under the condition that he didn't have to order it, because everyone I know, myself included, seems to have this crazy fear of talking on the phone. So Tenuto Tuo pretended to be him and ordered for us all.
Fastforward two hours, and we are still without pizza. Suddenly Male Friend #1 receives a call from the pizza place saying the delivery guy is lost and that he'd find us soon. We got a discount for having to wait, so yay. Clearly Unfocused, Tenuto Tuo, Male Friend #1 and I decided it would be best to go stand out the front so we could hail in the obviously incompetent delivery guy. We waited about 10 mins, then the delivery (whose name was apparently Mitch) called and said he was still lost. Male Friend #1 tried to give him directions, while I dramatically yelled out in the background "Oh Mitch, where art thou!?" I'm all class. Anyway, we spent the next ten minutes skipping up and down the road, because we were just that bored. Then, suddenly, we see the pizza car. It's coming straight for our place. Rejoice! Aaaand, then it turns down another street. Cursing, Male Friend #1 and I race after it. Though we lost the car, Mitch called again to ask where our house was. We said we'd meet him on the side of the road and give him directions.
When Mitch did turn up in his car, I showed him the way.
"Just go forward, then right. There will be a bunch of people standing out the front of the house, you can't miss it. Forward and right."
"Okay," he said in a dorky voice, and the drove off. He went forward, and stopped as if possessed by some spell of idiocy. So Male Friend #1 and I ran down the street after him, screaming to turn right. He finally got the message, but didn't seem to see the people outside the house who were waving frantically at him. Let's just say he got to the house eventually. Apparently it was a 'tough night for him' and having to give a few dollars change to a $100 note was 'really hard for him,' yes, 'they make it really hard on me.' Queue a half hour non-stop bitching session of how incompetent he was over pizza, and forming a hate-society.
And as for the missing garlic bread, Miss Invisible called up to complain about it. But the manager answered and said his wife had taken thee order and he thought we were trying to have a go at his wife. He ended up bringing us garlic bread anyway, but not before abusing us for insulting his wife. I don't even know. I can tell you, getting pizza has never been such an effort.
7. Long, repetitive character analysis and deconstruction
You know you did English Extension for too long when you spend copious amounts of time on schoolies analysing and deconstructing characters from The Inheritance Cycle. You also know that you are a total nerd. I'm much more okay with the latter. Seeing as most of this was done as an 'Is Murtagh good, bad or both?' debate with Male Friend #1, which involved a lot of screaming, I'm guessing most of the house ended up wishing that neither of us were nerds who spent a year studying a pointless subject.
8. Food. There was lots of food. So much food.
I don't think I went an hour without eating on schoolies. Even when I was sleeping I probably found some way to eat. And somehow, I managed to lose two kilos. How is that even possible? Not that I'm complaining. I miss the food already. It was so beautiful.
9. Really bad karaoke
I know, let's get people who can't sing to belt out songs like Take On Me, Memory and Total Eclipse of the Heart. I sounded so off-tune, the neighbours probably thought that I was actually drunk. But oh, it was beautiful. In a this-sounds-so-bad-I-could-die way.
And lots, lots more. I'd say I'll blog more now that I have time off, but it took me two days just to write this post, because I am feeling so lazy at the moment. So, we'll see about it. Hopefully I'll get to write some more before I go to Europe. But right now I'm going to reflect on what schoolies has taught me: don't get drunk, just act like it! Then you'll remember everything, and still get to act like a moron. Peace out, my ninja children!
Fastforward two hours, and we are still without pizza. Suddenly Male Friend #1 receives a call from the pizza place saying the delivery guy is lost and that he'd find us soon. We got a discount for having to wait, so yay. Clearly Unfocused, Tenuto Tuo, Male Friend #1 and I decided it would be best to go stand out the front so we could hail in the obviously incompetent delivery guy. We waited about 10 mins, then the delivery (whose name was apparently Mitch) called and said he was still lost. Male Friend #1 tried to give him directions, while I dramatically yelled out in the background "Oh Mitch, where art thou!?" I'm all class. Anyway, we spent the next ten minutes skipping up and down the road, because we were just that bored. Then, suddenly, we see the pizza car. It's coming straight for our place. Rejoice! Aaaand, then it turns down another street. Cursing, Male Friend #1 and I race after it. Though we lost the car, Mitch called again to ask where our house was. We said we'd meet him on the side of the road and give him directions.
When Mitch did turn up in his car, I showed him the way.
"Just go forward, then right. There will be a bunch of people standing out the front of the house, you can't miss it. Forward and right."
"Okay," he said in a dorky voice, and the drove off. He went forward, and stopped as if possessed by some spell of idiocy. So Male Friend #1 and I ran down the street after him, screaming to turn right. He finally got the message, but didn't seem to see the people outside the house who were waving frantically at him. Let's just say he got to the house eventually. Apparently it was a 'tough night for him' and having to give a few dollars change to a $100 note was 'really hard for him,' yes, 'they make it really hard on me.' Queue a half hour non-stop bitching session of how incompetent he was over pizza, and forming a hate-society.
And as for the missing garlic bread, Miss Invisible called up to complain about it. But the manager answered and said his wife had taken thee order and he thought we were trying to have a go at his wife. He ended up bringing us garlic bread anyway, but not before abusing us for insulting his wife. I don't even know. I can tell you, getting pizza has never been such an effort.
7. Long, repetitive character analysis and deconstruction
You know you did English Extension for too long when you spend copious amounts of time on schoolies analysing and deconstructing characters from The Inheritance Cycle. You also know that you are a total nerd. I'm much more okay with the latter. Seeing as most of this was done as an 'Is Murtagh good, bad or both?' debate with Male Friend #1, which involved a lot of screaming, I'm guessing most of the house ended up wishing that neither of us were nerds who spent a year studying a pointless subject.
8. Food. There was lots of food. So much food.
I don't think I went an hour without eating on schoolies. Even when I was sleeping I probably found some way to eat. And somehow, I managed to lose two kilos. How is that even possible? Not that I'm complaining. I miss the food already. It was so beautiful.
9. Really bad karaoke
I know, let's get people who can't sing to belt out songs like Take On Me, Memory and Total Eclipse of the Heart. I sounded so off-tune, the neighbours probably thought that I was actually drunk. But oh, it was beautiful. In a this-sounds-so-bad-I-could-die way.
And lots, lots more. I'd say I'll blog more now that I have time off, but it took me two days just to write this post, because I am feeling so lazy at the moment. So, we'll see about it. Hopefully I'll get to write some more before I go to Europe. But right now I'm going to reflect on what schoolies has taught me: don't get drunk, just act like it! Then you'll remember everything, and still get to act like a moron. Peace out, my ninja children!
