Princess Tutu 10th Anniversary: An Appreciation Post

Everybody has times when they feel that they are unable to reach their dream. But deciding that there is no way you can do something is nothing more than a way of comforting yourself when you lack motivation. Are you sure you are not fooling yourself about how you feel? About what exactly is most important to you? 

- Neko-sensei

On the 16th of August, 2002 an original anime aired in Japan that had been over a decade in the making. The anime was, of course, Princess Tutu.  My ultimate topic for fangirling and ranting. My guilty pleasure. A metaphysical masterpiece. A show that challenged what it meant to be a magical girl years before Madoka did. Quite possibly the best feminist anime since Revolutionary Girl Utena. A true gem for those who persist in watching past the first few episodes. And one of the most relatable works I have ever come across.

Obviously, yesterday was the show's 10th birthday and I'm weeping because I somehow managed to miss it, even though I'd been thinking about it since the beginning of the year. I feel as if I've missed my child's 21st or something ahaha. But even if I am a day late, I have to contribute my share to love towards to show on this momentous occasion. Lord knows I have enough of it.

If you've read my blog before, you know the drill. There are four main characters, all of which get their fair share of screen time and character development, and all of which play several different roles. It's kinda something like this:

Ahiru: Literally a duck, transformed by a sadistic, dead writer into...
A clumsy, genki, duck-like, sweet girl who goes to ballet school and crushes on the emotionless popular guy, which leads her to...
Transform into Princess Tutu, a fairytale character, from said sadistic writer's story, whose only role into the story was to confess her to to the prince and then vanish into a speck of light. However, her role in the current story is to help the prince regain pieces of his fractured heart.
Also, Fakir's muse later on.

Mytho: An emotionless, innocent and naive ballet student, popular with the ladies because of his effeminate features and faraway look. Actually emotionless because...
He's the prince from the sadistic writer's story. He's come out of the book after tearing his heart (and therefore apparently his emotions) out to stop a monster raven from eating it and taking over the world.

Fakir: An asshole who tries to stop Ahiru/Tutu from helping Mytho regain his heart. A dick who is physically and emotionally abusive. This is because...
He's been trying to protect Mytho since he came out of the story when Fakir was a small, orphaned child. Despite truly caring for Mytho's wellbeing, the main reason he doesn't want him regain his heart is because...
He's the incarnation of the knight from the same fairytale, whose fate was to protect the prince, but die in vain, being torn in half. Thus, whenever he tries to be a knight and fight with a sword, he fails. Which later leads him to discover that...
He is a direct descendant of the sadistic writer of the fairytale, who is currently controlling everyone with another story. He also has the power to make stories into reality, but only when he writes about Ahiru. Ship ship ship.
He is also a kawaii blushing dork who gets awkward about nudity and has a soft spot for cute, fluffy animals.

Rue: Mytho's apparent girlfriend at the academy. Originally Ahiru's rival in love, she looked as if she'd become the big bad because...
She is also the daughter of the evil raven from the story.
Or not, as you find out later. She was really just kidnapped at birth, deprived of human love, and told by the Raven that Prince Mytho, who loved all people, was the only person in the world capable of loving her.
In the end, she is the one who proclaims her love for Mytho and sacrifices herself for him, not Tutu.

Understandably, all the leads suffer from very serious and very real identity crisis. Though Ahiru can transform into the mature and talented Tutu, as a girl she is underdeveloped and downright untalented at dancing. As a girl she can have fun with her friends, she can talk to Mytho, squabble with Fakir and dance with Rue, but she's really a duck. And a mere duck can't do anything, right?

Rue doesn't have a clue 99% of the time whether she's really Rue, or if she's the villain Princess Kraehe. And despite her love for Mytho being so strong, how could he ever love her, if she was the daughter of his enemy? Fakir's got more issues than Windows Vista. He doesn't want to be a knight. He doesn't want to be a writer. He doesn't want to accept that he needs to be involved in any of this, and he is for Mytho's sake, and later Ahiru's. He struggles with massive amounts of self-doubt, but like everyone else, he pushes forward. Mytho literally doesn't even know who he is and although he wants to regain his heart, a lot of the feelings he gets back cause him more trauma than anything else.

What I think I love most about this show is that, despite having all these internal struggles, everyone saves everyone. And everyone saves themselves. The women in this show are never talked down as helpless, weak or in need of a man. Instead, they fight even harder than the guys for what they believe in. This is a show where the princesses save the prince. I also love their strength isn't shown as emasculating the men that they save. When the men need saving, they're glad of the ladies' kickass powers and determination. There's no sexist comments about Ahiru's flat chest, or Kraehe's plunging neckline. When there's disagreements between the group, it's because of clashing beliefs, not because of gender. It also makes me really happy to see the girls being as badass as they are, while still being feminine. Because there's nothing wrong with femininity. This is a show that says "It's okay to be girly. It's okay to have weaknesses. Most importantly, it's okay to just be yourself, whoever that may be. Just stand up for what you believe in, and fight for those you care about."

Speaking of fighting for those you care about, can I take this time to insert another Fakiru rant? There's so many wonderful things about them, but for me, these are a few of my favourite things.

1. Their relationship is based on mutual trust and respect and loyalty. Canonically speaking, it has nothing to do with lust or sexual attraction or idolisation. They see each other for who the really are, a dorky coward and a duck. And they fully accept each other for it.

Fakir: Everyone is scared of returning to their true selves, because they're used to being given roles in stories. The real you is a duck. The real me... in the end, the real me has done nothing but be protected since I was a child. Even if I'm truly like that, I still want the story to end.
Ahiru: [..] If that happens, I'll go back to being just a bird, won't I?
Fakir: [...] That's alright, isn't it? Because that's who you truly are. Even after that happens, I'll stay by your side forever
Ahiru: (thinking) [...] I'm weak, but for some reason, Fakir always makes me stronger.

Me: Fffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkk ;_;

2. They making an amazing team.

Ahiru: My feelings belong to me. That's the same with anybody's feelings. They're all precious. I am not a marionette.
Fakir: I won't sit and be frightened by fate while everyone faces it.
Ahiru: I want to protect Mytho!
Fakir: I will!
Both: Together!

3. They can share anything with each other.

Ahiru: I could go check this out if I was a bird, but... if it's Fakir.
*proceeds to turn into a duck, exposing her greatest vulnerability and weakness to someone who she was enemies with not long ago, because she's seen his most vulnerable side while she was her duck-self. And he's just about to get the shock of his life.*

4. Their interactions are hilarious.

I'll stop now, but yes, they are my beautiful otp team forever. It really is possible to ship any of the characters in this show together though, because their interactions are just fantastic. There are some final things that I would like to fangirl over, though. Firstly, the art of the show. A lot of art from that time period really, really hasn't aged well. But the pastel colours and and softer lines used have helped it stay looking pretty good. Also, the character designs are pretty definitive and have a nice style to them. Obviously there were some budget issues, which led to lots of panning shots of cels, but it blends in well and still fits quite nicely.

Lastly, I love how much darker and complex this show is than you'd expect. This is no happy, predictable fairlytale. Everyone challenges their prescribed roles. No one is who you think they are. None of the characters stay stagnant or the same. Even Ahiru's two comic-relief friends face trials and tribulations over the course of the narrative. Then there's the whole fate vs. free will debate that I will never get tired of. And Neko-sensei's deep rants when he's not talking about marriage. And the "Fakir-sees-Ahiru-naked-and-freaks-out" running gag. And the story's lack of a proper villain. And the classical music. And the ballet/ fairytale references. And the animal motifs. And the dancing. And and and...

This is all just the tip of the iceberg that is this fantastic show. Ten years on, and it's draw more peoples into its small, but dedicated fanbase every day. I've recommend it many times before, and I'll recommend it again. This show helped me find the strength to believe in myself, and push through that final awful year of high school. I've watched it in its entirety 9 times in the past year, one of those times being recently with my sister. I forced her to sit down and watch it, even though she was very skeptical. Within 9 episodes, she was begging me to let her watch it, and started marathoning ~7 episodes a day. So, if a generally mainstream 1D fangirl can appreciate the awesomeness that is Tutu, then you can too! Watch at least the first ten episodes, even if it is a push, and I guaranteeing you'll be given a very rewarding viewing experience. It would make me very happy if the Tutu love could continue to spread for many decades more!

This has been a Princess Tutu fangirl post by [demisemiquavergirl]. Tutu on!

High Definition Killed the Pixel Star

"I miss the games on the old computer. They should make all games old and pixelated. Modern games just aren't as good."

 - A.M

Uwaah, I am in despair. It seems that I can only blog when it's so late at night that I have lost what remains of my sane mind and inhibitions, so, as always, you can expect this post to be a mixed bag of lollies. So far, I've passed the stage of drowsiness, laughed my way through the period of excessive hilarity and I'm just coming to the end of a session of pondering the meaning of the universe and how this may or may not be related to the pattern of stripes on my cat. This, known to myself as the "Beijing Siri Ni~" phase can only occur between the hours of 12 and 6a.m. And let's face it, once you're there you're past the point of no return. On my journeys through the canals of my mind and the vast solar systems above I was taken back to my childhood. Pretty much all my pre-teen childhood was spent bordering on the poverty line, and without any government handouts during this time I might add, and I am positively proud of this fact. It could have made for a really horrible childhood, but it was really great because my parents, being the total badasses that they are, found lots of inexpensive ways to entertain my sister and I and let us know that we were loved. Aw.

One of my absolute favourite things to do as a young kid was to play retro games on a clunky old Windows 95 computer with my father. He was working full time and studying at uni, but he'd still dedicate one night a week to just relax with my sister and I, which I consider to be much more manly than a lot of the douchbaggery that gets labelled as such these days. I dare you to find something more manly than being a good father. Really, I'm in a confrontational mood, so doooo it tsun tsun tsun. On second thought, please don't, the dere side of me couldn't handle it, but that is irrelevant so back to the story. My sister and I were both tiny little kiddlings at the time, rendering us both fairly useless at gaming in the early years, so we'd often just crowd around our father and watch him with eyes wide and sparkling.

Despite the wonder that these games, which wouldn't have been considered modern, even in our earliest childhood, instilled in us at the time, I didn't expect this to really endure. But the other day my sister surprised me.  Proclaiming that she once again wanted to play Commander Keen, she hauled that beast of an old computer out of the shed and into the study, setting it and a screen as old as Confucious up just so she could once again play as our pogo-stick-jumping protagonist. She then proceeded to make her way through a bunch of old arcade games, ranging from Donkey Kong to Space Invaders to Elevator Action. Following this, she dabbled in (and gave up on) Catacomb Abyss and Prince of Persia. She then finished off the session with her personal favourite, Kings Quest V, before running away to change her MacBook background to a picture of Frogger.

Stranger still was that I had downloaded (and completely failed at installing) a bunch of these games only the day before, and hadn't spoken to her of it. Admittedly, this was only because I'd been unable to use a DOS emulator properly, despite my best efforts and I didn't want to openly admit this. But now I have, can I ask if anyone's ever successfully used one to play games before? Because I managed to get into the files, but I couldn't find any form of installer or .exe file. Le sigh. Nevertheless, we'd had the same thought.

I'd also been playing lots of indie games made with RPG Maker 2000 etc. in recent times and I love how their style is so reminiscent of older games. I marathoned parts of Ib, Ao Oni and Yume Nikki after I got home from my Japanese tutorial and really liked the aesthetics of all of them. Ib has an advantage, because I have a bit of a thing for creepy, colourful, almost childish aesthetics, mixed with some dark horror elements. Yume Nikki was so trippy, I thought I must have inhaled permanent marker or something, but I liked how distinctive it was, despite following the old RPG graphic style. Yume Nikki was simple, but effective. Apart from that purple monster thing that I remembered, having seen it in the whole 10 mins of HetaOni that I watched. What the actual hell is that thing?

After my ridiculously long and coffee-filled study session that I have planned for tomorrow, I'm thinking I'll play through the two English language visual novels that I downloaded yesterday, to bring myself back to the present. I really hadn't realised how many great legal, free games there were on the internet, so I'm having a bit of a frenzy at the moment. I'm almost finding it hard to comprehend going back to games with smooth, modern graphics, though. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but there's just something so otherworldly about pixelated graphics. It's not that I don't think modern games look incredible and have just as much potential, if not more, to have you completely immersed. But for escapism, I think I shall always return games with the look of yesteryear. Why? Because they imitate reality, but still look so far removed from it. That to me is just really enjoyable.

So, I guess we've got it pretty good these days in terms of games. There's amazing commercial releases for the HD hipsters and anyone interested, but there are still independent creators, making and re-making (re: Kings Quest I remake in the style of V. Amazing.) smaller releases that are sure to break the nostalgia-o-meter, which, for me, was broken before I even started.

What are your thoughts on the freeware market of the moment? Got any old games that were standouts in your childhood? Know anything useful about DOS emulators? Or maybe you think this all makes me sound like an old geezer? If you've got something to say, let me know!


[demisemiquavergirl]'s afterward note: Thanks for reading! I'm considering bringing back Excalibur, because he's 500x more sassy and sarcastic than I am. Any thought? Yes? No? Keep your dumb ninja who speaks like a lolcat to yourself? Also, some blog updates. I'm back to the old-style blogger, because the dynamic views really weren't impressing me that much. The ladies (well, technically one of them is a guy) in the background are from the fantastic manga Kuragehime. They were just meant to be a temporary fill to make my minimalist background seem less bland for the time, but I'm really liking them there. Of course, if my bby Excalibur comes back, I'll have to find somewhere to put him on the blog. Maybe my profile picture? XP

I've got various posts lined up with fangirling over things I've watched/ read/ played recently, Japanese tutorial anecdotes (they're so crazy, it never gets boring to tell them), gender/sexuality rants, chivalry talk, some fairytale stuff but if someone would like to suggest something really out-there that I wouldn't usually talk about, I'd love to cover it. But right now, it is past 2 in the morning and my eyeballs feel like fireballs, so oyasuminasai, tiny warriors.

**Will edit and add dl links for the freeware games tomorrow

Whimsical, Wayward and Willful: Or, how to survive half a year without ambitions

A.N: In the name of all large swords, it has been a long time since I was last here! Amidst the hustle and bustle of everyday life, I happened to remember this blog, finally. More to the point, it's getting close to midnight and my brain tends to lead me in all kinds of queer directions after the clock so much as strikes 10. Or 9. Or 8. Or any time really. It's rather inconsistent in that fashion. Ah, inconsistency! That is what has led me to this tale of woe! Or perhaps it is not the primary cause. You, dear reader, dissect the post and decide.

I can't stand writing posts merely about everyday life, but seeing as I have neglected to do so for the past six months, now might be a good time to start.

*~*

Once upon a time, there was a young maiden. For all her life, the girl had lived far from town, in a sheltered environment amongst those she loved most. Her only education was at small schools, with small communities of  their own, cut off from the big city. In this way she continued to live, dreaming about the day she could leave to seek her fortune in the big city, and achieve wonderful things. On the day of her seventeenth birthday, she felt a mix of nostalgia and excitement, as she prepared to leave her school days behind her. With the arrival of the new year, she set off to the largest university in the city, eager to forget the young person she had been and start anew.

But alas, things did not go as the young maiden had planned. Though she met many new people and tried many new things in her quest to find her 'true new' self, something was not right. Within a month of university she realised that she had betrayed her true feelings and values while caught in the hype of new experiences. And she was ashamed. Most shameful to herself was her short-lived dalliance. It was ridiculous. She had not liked the boy. She had completely disagreed with his values and somewhat loose morals. She had not been attracted to him at all, rather on the contrary. And yet, caught up in the feeling that she needed to try new things, and flattered, because her sheltered life had led her to believe that no one could ever care for her, she had a momentary lapse. However, before the month was out, she awoke from her daze and promptly ended things. Though she had done nothing of an inappropriate nature and remained pure, the girl could not shake the feeling of revulsion that she had been so foolish and naive as to be even slightly romantically involved with someone whom she had no feelings for. The consequences of such feelings led her to become an asexual feminist moralist, but that's another tale.

Fresh out of her failed phase of reinvention, the girl remembered something. She was at university to study! And with subjects in Japanese, western literature and tourism, there was much study to be done. Though the workload was heavy, the fair maiden... well, sometimes she worked hard and other times she didn't. But she pulled through, and that is what counted. Though she liked her courses well enough and considered herself quite skilled at them, the maiden still felt that she was missing something in her life. An existentially meaningful ritual structure? Definitely. A career that she wanted for the future? Undoubtedly. The ability to express the painful emotions she was feeling to anyone around her? Completely. But perhaps what was most absent from her life was purpose. Even if she were to see her degree through to the end, a career in tourism isn't exactly something that will make a meaningful difference, is it now reader?

In many ways, she missed music. She missed the security it provided her. She missed how it made her feel accomplished. She missed the little things, like being able to thoroughly analyse any piece of music when listening to it. But most of all, she missed the people whom she had shared her music experiences with. Even with these feelings, she knew that she could not return to the old days, and so she continued on her journey.

Back in the maiden's home, cracks were beginning to show in the sheltered paradise. Negative work environments and the possibly terminal illness of both their sets of parents set her respective parents on edge. Though, this tale has a slightly happier ending, with the family unit remaining strong and supporting each other, and the hard, but effective treatment of one of the maiden's grandparent's illness. But despite their robust nature, the family knew that they would need to support each other more than ever if they were to overcome their personal hurdles and survive the year.

Though she was acquainted with quite a number of people, the girl soon began to feel isolated, depressed and lonely. For the first time in her life, she considered escaping this cruel world. Just before everything was about to become too much, she was offered a job. It was a lowly job delivering pizza, but for a time it gave the girl some of her life's much needed purpose, and her mindset improved. However, the harsh environment of the job and the damage it led to being inflicted on her car quickly overpowered any good feelings she had towards her employment. Working many hours, her contact with people became even more sparse, and she began to feel alone again. Within two months, with twice-dented car and a little cash, her parents withdrew their consent for her working at the establishment and she was forced to leave. Despite this, she felt happy to have saved a little money and to have contributed something for a small amount of time. Liberation from her job had rejuvenated her spirits. And, feeling as such, she now prepares to start her second semester at the big university.

*~*

That should pretty much be a (very, very abridged) wrap of the past few months. I've made quite a few new friends and very sadly lost one old one. It's been quite the hard reality to face, because I always had the 'real' world depicted to me as a place where I could finally be accepted, without being subject to the juvenile opinions of teenagers. And I suppose that this is true, but I have been kicked in the pants everyday in so many ways that I didn't even know were possible. It really does annoy me to admit it, but the year thus far has been far more negative than positive. Simultaneously, this has made me appreciate the positives all the more, which is certainly good for character building! I also feel like, although I've made a lot of mistakes this year, I'm more sure of who I am because of them. I may still have no idea about my purpose and direction in life but hey, at least I know myself. So, let's have some happy cheers anyway.

I titled this 'how to survive without ambitions' because, obviously, I have managed to survive this semester without any. It's definitely not a recommended way to live your life, but it is doable. My top tips for if you're struggling to find long-term goals are.

1. Take things day-by-day. It's always good to plan for the future, but if you have no idea about what you want it to hold, chances are it's better for you to focus on more short-term goals. Such as "today I want to have a burrito." I found I felt best when I created goals around exercise, study and family, but it's different for everyone.

2. Convince yourself that there's at least something you want in your future life, even if it is "In 5 years time, I want to walk down the streets of Barcelona dressed as a horse." Because, that's something we should all strive for.

3. If the above fails, declare yourself a vagabond and laugh heartily.

4. Cry and whinge about it all day, every day. The tears will have to dry up one day, and then you'll be ready to head in one direction. Get it? I shall accept all awards for terrible 1D puns. 

5. Don't say YOLO. Really. It's a stupid acronym used by people to justify any immoral or unintelligent behaviour. Besides, reminding yourself that you only have one life when you're wasting it. De-press-ing. And no one likes a depresspot.

In other news, it's actually felt really wonderful to be writing for this blog again. I need to do some more fine-tuning on the layout if I'm going to use it again, but it honestly feels good to be back. Who knows for how long, seeing as I'm so inconsistent. So, let's enjoy this moment right now. One when I'm back in the bloggerverse.

Oh, did I mention that I'm strongly considering changing degrees at the end of the year. Because I am. As of yesterday. Whoot. Remember what I said about inconsistency? Inconsistencyyyyy, turning saints into the sea, swimming through sick luuuullabies, choking your aaaalibis. Ah! You're still here, listening to me basterdising Mr. Brightside by changing all of one word. I know, I know, I'm ashamed of me too. But, you'll get over it. And you shall love me for it. Maybe? Completely and utterly? My brain if definitely gone now, so I shall leave you.

That's all for today, folks! Keep tuned for more on the completely unpredictable whims of you friendly neighbourhood [demisemiquavergirl]. Until next time, stay full of ninja goodness.

じゃ、また！

New Years' Revolutions

Greetings Earthlings, I come in pieces. Having returned from my month long overseas trip of magnificence, I am now able to reflect on my life with a little more understanding of how little it means in the scheme of things (how fun). Never fear, I don't mean this in a gloomy way. More of a "holy Shi'ite persons, the world is a big place that's been around for a darn long time." I mean, I saw stuff that has been around since before Jesus. In Brisbane, you're lucky to see something that existed before me. So, because of this new perspective, I've been able to compose a decent list of New Years' resolutions, for the first time ever. Usually my list looks like this:

- Work harder at school (lol jks who am I kidding, I work harder than most people and I don't want to put in any additional effort)
- See lots of live theatre without having to pay for it
- Okay, pay for some of the theatre if I have to
- Have a social life
- I've changed my mind. I don't want a social life, just lots of good TV so I can forget I don't have a social life
- Fall in love. Fall in like? SHARE EYE CONTACT WITH SOMEONE IN A FRIENDLY MANNER?
- Find something substantial to put on next year's resolution list

But with a view like this on the NYE just past, how could I not write something with just a fragment more substance?

Going to the Trevi Fountain was actually a nightly thing while I was in Rome, because it was only a few streets down from where I was staying. Funnily enough, it was actually less busy than usual on NYE, but that's a story for another time. It certainly was a beautiful, albeit crowded, place to visit. Sadly, I couldn't party hard, because I had to catch a flight to Hong Kong the next day. This didn't stop the people in the apartment above us, though. They decided they'd like to set off mini-bombs and throw cartons of oranges all over the street. I don't know what was with the oranges. Maybe someone was personally offended by an orange once, so they took out their rage by throwing dozens of them to the streets? I'd wager money on drunkenness, but I prefer the first hypothesis.

Before I (finally) get into the resolutions, I'd like to bore you reflect a little upon the year that has been. It'll be short, I swear. I think the best way to describe that past twelve months is "bittersweet." I have this memory from about a year ago. My clicky clique and I all met up at Tenuto Tuo's place a few days before Year 12 started, met his then boyfriend, played Wii and just had a really good time. I remember thinking how everyone seemed so much more comfortable in themselves than I'd ever seen them before, and how ready we all seemed to leave school. This time a year later, I feel more inclined to say the opposite. The past year has been quite the challenge and I feel like it has broken a lot of people. Not beyond repair, but I think most people have cracks from the stress and just the general peculiarity of the year. I've gone through all the phases: confidence, apathy, frustration, apathy, determination, apathy, hurt, apathy, confusion, apathy, relief. Overall, I'd say I've been way too apathetic to life. It's the only reason I came out of this year much more unscathed than most: because I simply didn't care. That's not to say that I was all "I hate the world, diiiiiiiiiie everyone, diiiiiiiiie school, diiiiiiiiie!" although I am a terrible whinger at times! My problem is that I think in a past tense. Instead of thinking "Wow, this is amazing!" or "Wow, this can suck my... thumb" I think "In a few hours this will all be over, and I'll be in bed." And this is okay for getting through tough times, but it's not a satisfying way to live life. Therefore my first resolution is:

Have more enthusiasm!~ And yes, live for the moment a little more.

My social phobia has stopped me from doing a fair bit this year. Considerably less than last year, but it's still been a hindrance. Although it's slowly melting away, I'd like to start the new year by smashing it to pieces, so my next resolution is:

Talk to anyone you feel like. Say what you want to. Don't fear judgement. Have confidence in your own opinion and worth.


As well as gaining confidence, I need to take on more responsibility. I've lived a happy life with my parents and sister thus far, and although I don't rely on anyone too much emotionally, I need to learn to fend for myself in the world. I need to grow up, actually become an adult and look after myself. So, my third resolution is:

Become more financially independent and self-sufficient.


I also need to clean up my language. No self, it is not okay to swear in every single sentence, even if it is only in your mind. It also ruins long, persuasive sentences when you swear. But, damn fuck shit, it's so habitual. I've been saying this for five years, but I will conquer my potty mouth!

Swear less. A lot less.


My negative attitude has also ruined many experiences that would have otherwise been pleasant over the past few years. Gahn, I can be such a downer sometimes. And yet, so hyper others. I swear I'm not bipolar! Anyway, my natural facial expression seems to be a either a scowl, or look of apathy, even if I'm thinking nice happy thoughts or feeling good. So, I'm going to make sure I change it to a slight smile! And I'm going to overcome my mind battles and think of everything in a nicer light. Snarking can be cool, but not constantly.

Adopt a more positive attitude. Be happier!


I've been told by many people that I'm the sort of person who has the ability to achieve anything in the world, no matter how great or impossible it may seem. And not even in the way that you say it to every decent-seeming person. It's been... weird. But I've also been told that my lack of self-confidence stops me from doing anything, and it's true. I don't really have confidence in my ability to do anything, and it shows in everything I do. But, I want to love myself again! I don't mean that I want to have an ego complex, I just want to be able to accept myself for who I am, and realise that I'm not useless. Yes, I'm clumsy and forgetful, but I'm also talented and hard-working. Whoa, that was hard to write. But I want it to get easier! And it will get easier. This year, I will learn to love myself!

Have confidence in yourself. Love yourself for who you are, mistakes and all. Everyone makes mistakes, it doesn't make you worthless or incompetent.


Aaaand, now for something more practical. I've had my Learner's licence for just over a year now, and I've managed to drive the required 100 hours, but I still need 2 hours of night driving. Luckily, my travel hasn't really affected my driving skills at all, so I should be able to send in my logbook and try for a licence in the next few months. The university I'm going to go to is quite a far way away. Well, not really, it's just hard for me to get to. I live rurally, which mean I'm far out from the city and any form of public transport. Right now, if I want to drive anywhere, it has to be with my parents. So I really want to get my licence and save up for a car so I can have some freedom in how I get around! If I don't, I'll have to leave at 6a.m with my parents every morning. I'll drive to catch a bus, to interchange, to catch a train to get to uni. And then I'll have to do that to get home. Every single day I have a class or lecture. Fun, fun, fun, fun.

Get your Ps and save for a car.


There's this one I should also add in. Le sigh. I need to get fit. I have a perfect BMI and I'm not fat, but I am so unfit it's not funny. I see so little sunlight that I have to take vitamin D supplements, and I live in Australia. Mind you, I purposefully avoid the sun because other medication I take makes me super-sun-sensitive. And I'm pale as, so I burn easily. But enough with the excuses! I've never been fit in my life, and I need to stop using the excuse "I don't need to be fit, because I'm an academic!" to try and get out of it. Physical health is important too. This year is the year to fix it!

Get fit and be active!

 I'm rather terrible at staying in touch with people. My low self confidence causes me to not really want to message anyone, like ever. Even if they're my closest friends. So I'll often stay away from social networking for days or weeks at a time. I know, I'm a bad person. But there are so many people that I've seen every day for the past few years that I won't be in contact with ever again if I don't make the effort. It's time for me to stand up, and make sure I stick with the people I love. I will not let my stupid esteem be the reason for losing contact with wonderful people!

Stay in contact with school friends.


I think these can all be summed up in one single goal. Do I intend to do it? Oh heck yes. Do I think I will do it? Who knows. We'll just have to wait and see.

Let go of fear. Live your life to the fullest.


GRANT ME THE POWER TO REVOLUTIONISE THE WOOOOOORLD. I'm sorry, I watched way too much Revolutionary Girl Utena tonight, so I just had to.Waaah, nobody would have watched that show. But you all should, because it's amazing. That is, if you don't mind lots of symbolism, YMMV lesbianism, incest, metaphysical elements and old animation. But it really is a masterpiece. Go watch it. Now. I'm kidding, dark and disturbing magical girl animes are just my thing. Who am I kidding? I love mindscrew in general. 


That's all folks. Hopefully I'll be back soon, happily blogging on the random adventures I had in Europe and Hong Kong. But for now, I won't say sayonara, because I know we shall meet again~