Burns, Turns and Fatemobiles

Everybody bring your spandex and break out in funky disco moves, because I've rediscovered the existence of this blog. Ah, I've missed this fluorescent ninja party in hyperspace, I can tell you! That's not what you want to hear though. Where have I been? How have I been? Was I abducted by aliens, impregnated and forced to give birth through my mouth? Sadly, my dear children, I do not live in Strangetown, so this is not possible. I have actually been doing things with my life, though. For once, not of the pranking-people-while-sleeping-and-skipping-like-a-boss kind, but cool stuff all the same.

Sadly, I now have a job and am actually contributing to society. I know, I know, raping the Earth and taking up valuable oxygen was so much better. That was sarcasm, by the way. Everyone who knows me knows that I'm a bit of a greenie. Yes, Al Gore forever and whatnot. Oh, speaking of which, I'm totally a vegetarian now. I mean, I try to be a vegetarian, but can't always be for fear of getting an iron deficiency. I hear that it's not rather fun. But anyways, yay veggies. Back on topic, this carbon based life-form finally got employed. I work in a restaurant doing basically everything but cooking, and it is very intense! Apparently I'm great serving customers, and I have a good work ethic, but my mopping is 'adorably bad' and I can't put anything in the back room in the right place. In my defense, no-one ever showed me where to put anything in the back room, or how to mop. I swear I'm trying my hardest! 

Actually, I'm having quite a bit of fun working hard. It's nice to know that you're actually doing something for someone other than yourself, even if it is just a family of hyperactive Indians and customers wanting to fill their gut. It's nice for something to have a purpose, for once. Especially when I'm  about to go out into the Big Bad World. I can't believe that I only have one day left of exams. After that, I've got the week off, followed by my final week at school ever, which is just fun activities anyway. It's totally nutballs! I feel like I'm really ready to move on and grow up, though. Sayonara, childhood!

Ohohoh! Total random stuff, but I just have to post on hear that I have an epic burn on my arm from work. It's all blistery and pink and is going to scar! I don't really know why I'm so excited about this, because burning your arm on a boiling pan is incredibly painful. But yeah, you all just had to know that. It's a pretty cool looking burn, mind you.

Anyway, back on track. Ahh, I forgot what I was going to say. So, I'll tell you all how I'm going to waste my time this week on my days off instead. Firstly, the final Inheritance Cycle book is coming out tomorrow and it's like over 800 pages and they're bring back Brom and it's going to be terrible and wonderful and omgomgomg. So, naturally I'm going to be reading it as quickly as possible. I also really want to marathon Princess Tutu because I haven't watched it for ages and it's still my favourite anime and blah. I was totally reading my DVD booklet the other day, and my parents walked past my room and I had to hide it under my pillowcase. You know, most teenagers hide porn out of embarrassment. I hide shoujo magical girl anime. Yeah, it's special. Anyway, I really want to read the translations of the Mawaru Penguindrum visual novels, because it is like, the anime of the year. And it like deals with fate and stuff and why does everything I like have to be about fate? Do I have some deep psychological complex about defying/accepting fate or something? Anyways, I need to catch up on Fate/Zero, Kimi to Boku, Chihayafuru and Guilty Crown before they update again. Currently, I'm only up to date on two ongoing animes, and they are Mawaru Penguindrum  and UN-GO. You can tell what I'm motivated to watch. And and and on Friday, I'm going to with my girls on "Mmmsauce Day" (gosh, I wonder who made up the word 'mmmsauce' pffft, that doesn't sound like me at all). And we're going to eat wonderful food at chic cafes and go shopping and and and it sounds cool, but it's really just a get-together for desperate singles. Together alone!

Time to initiate survival strategy, but no-one gets that reference get my grasp on the English language back. I should probably go finish my final English assignment, study for my final Maths exam and write a letter to my instrumental music teacher, because all those things need to be done by tomorrow. Seeing as I actually have some spare time now, and I'm feeling kinda inspired, I'll probably blog again later this week. Hopefully it won't turn in sappy drivel about my schooling career ending and starting a new life etc. I mean, it probably will, but whatever la la la, doesn't matter. These new dynamic views on Blogger seem cool and stuff, so I may give the ol' blog a revamp sometime. Or maybe not. I do quite like it like this. Bah, I should be going. Eat lots of cake and brush your teeth before bed!

Even the ground likes my face.

Have you ever had some really unusual or unnecessary goals in life that ended up eclipsing your real ones? For example, the other week I achieved my greatest goal in highschool. This is a goal that I had had for four years and never thought I would accomplish. Was it topping all of my classes? Was it blowing up decking out the science lab? Was it shaving my English Extension pedophile beard off? Sadly, it was none of these. I've already done the first one a few times (oh hell yes nerd pride), and I would do the last one with great pleasure, because let's face it, ExtEng is scary enough without having to look at the face of someone who could potentially molest you. I mean, potentially metaphorically molest you. Though co-ordination and demisemiquavergirl just don't seem to go together, I am sure that I could kick that pudgy guy's ass if need be. After all, I am more masculine than all of my male friends. The petite, untoned female is more masculine that a bunch of men, you did read that correctly. It must be my superhuman wit and strength.

I think I'm drifting away from the point. Anyway, my massive-oh-so-big-goal was actually to hide in my school's underground store room just once. I can just hear you all facepalming at the anticlimax I created there.

"How obsece! Why would anyone make it their goal to be stuck in a dingy room that smells ofdirt and tree roots? The most exciting thing in there is a bunch of badminton nets. It is preposterous that anyone would base their schooling life around such a thing. I am offended! This is an outrage! Call 911! Ah, but this is Australia, so that number doesn't work! What shall I do? Call the police! Call the thought police? Ah screw it, call my Mum! She'll whack some sense into this seemingly delinquent child!"

That is exactly what you were thinking, right? I know, I know, I'm a psychic. You can reign your blessings and awe-struck comments on me anytime you please. All complaints about how perplexing you find my achieved goal can be lodged to Yo Mama. That's 69 So Fat Dr, Whaleville. Immaturity aside, I myself wonder why I put such an abstract thing at the top of my to-do list. You would think that your friendly neighbourhood academic medalist would be looking to do something more... intelligent. Oh wait, you wouldn't. Because anyone who knows anything about me could tell you that I am incapable of making serious goals. Even my "I want to get an A in this assignment" oh-so-craptacular-and-boring goals sound more like "I want to get an A to stick it to x teacher, and while I'm at it, I'm going to include y reference, just to see if they're biased enough to mark me down or up for it." Oh heaven above, I'd hate to teach me. Isn't it lucky that I'll never have to?

I get this feeling that I'm beating around the bush here. Or beating around the keyboard, if you will. Oh Pheebes, that's so lame, even for you. Internal monologuing, whoop whoop! I'm sorry, I must focus. Focus! *slap* I'm doubly sorry, I just had to insert a Total Drama reference there. We all know that I never grew up. Why do I get the feeling that this paragraph hasn't achieved anything yet? Oh right, it hasn't. Therefore, with a snap of my fingers and a click of my heels, I shall get to the point: it is the little things in life that you remember. Sure, I base a lot of my life around academics (and constantly complaining about academics) but the things that I learnt in tests or on assignments won't be the things that I remember in detail years later.

Getting myself into the store room was something that I discussed with whiteribbon back in the yesteryear of 2008. Actually, until then, neither of us knew that the school even had an underground store room, even though there are all of four proper buildings on the campus. It was so strange and earthy; unlike anywhere else in the school. So we decided that before we graduated, we'd somehow find a way to get into there again... Without supervision. Sadly, whiteribbon wasn't there when I finally got to do this, and it wasn't really that big of an event at the time. That depends on how you classify 'big', though, because I was literally bouncing off and trying to climb sloping concrete walls. I be special, kiddiez!

With that pointless goal over, I'm not sure what to promote to the top of my list. Sure, I could make it something like "Get a kick-ass OP" but what would be the fun in that? I'm thinking of either making it a) make sure that my faux marriage love triangle continues b) think of the best Inheritance Cycle chocolate milk drinking game shots for schoolies c) draw a moustache on my English teacher's face or d) serenade a random child. Oh yes children, I have a faux marriage love triangle. My memory fails me (I may have mentioned this before) but I was 'married' to TentuoTuo twice, and am currently 'married' to MissInvisible. My first marriage ended in death, communism, bats and hauntings. My second marriage, which had a proper ceremony in the library and everything, ended because Facebook messed up relationship statuses. And I'll be celebrating my one year marriage anniversary with MissI in about a month. It has been a good faux marriage. But I still like to keep things a little triangular with TT. One could say that neither my marriage to a gay guy or a straight girl have been completely successful so far. Gee, I wonder why?

Ohohoh! On the topic of goals, I just remembered that I completed a serious one today; I told my HPE teacher off for not knowing my name. Seriously, he has been teaching me for four years, and still calls me "girls," "ladies," "you," "um," or "Vandersay." The former is ClearlyUnfocused's nickname, not mine. Even AnonymousAlbino, who openly wags sport, is known to him. Bah. Anyway, he was telling my friends and I that he'd remember us in years to come.
"I'll remember you, Gojo. I'll remember you, Vandersay. I'll remember you... umm... errr..." he stuttered.
"And I'll always remember you as the teacher who never knew my name!" I retorted, half jokingly, but with a hint of bitterness. Luckily, he laughed it off. A minute later, he yelled my name at my from across the sports field. I think he thought I'd be impressed that he actually remembered, but I was too busy feeling smug that I'd finally told him off (albeit not seriously) after four years of annoyance.

Sport is also where I got the title of this post from. In true me-style, I completely stacked it when playing a sport that we had to create. I called it "Decapitation Ball" and that wasn't far off the mark. I found myself whacked by the ball, dragged and squished by people pulling me with a skipping rope, and thrown to the ground on two occasions. The first was rather serious, and caused me to skin and bruise both my knees (it still hurts to walk), graze my elbow and have a lrage headache. Oh, and my vision went all weird and black and stuff, but I didn't want to make a fuss. I'm not the type to complain about injuries at the time. I would have at least asked for ice, but as I mentioned, the PE teacher didn't and doesn't know that I exist.

So anyway, I have decided that the ground must have been so attracted to me that it had to pull me towards it in a painful embrace. Nothing to do with being pushed over, no, no. You know what else is attractive? Strawberries. Nothing beats strawberries. Except for passionfriut; passionfruit is smexy. No that isn't code, yes I am talking about actual fruit. No I do not have a fruit fetish, yes I eat more fruit than I do any other type of fruit. How did we even get on to fruit? I don't even, man. You know what else is attractive? The fact that I'm blogging again, and I spruced this place up a bit. Do you like my dodgy-but-improved background? See them clouds (the real question is one of the grammar this sentence)? They have silver linings! I am just so subtle like that. I could have made a different or more intricate background picture, but I think the style suits. It's like this blog; dodgy, cheesy, just a tad weird, but something that doesn't take itself too seriously. N'aww, picture metaphor.

Ah, I must depart to the land of slumber. I have to get up early tomorrow to buy another formal dress, because the one I waited for five months to get was shipped from America in the wrong colour. If something like that was going to happen to anyone, it would be me. I was really annoyed about this, but now I'm just finding it amusing. Okay chickens, hope you're totally estatic about my return to blogging. Or at least moved emotionally in any way. As long as it's not aroused, because that would just be disturbing. Speaking of which, I apparently looked like I was seducing someone today. I was so confused, because for all my sus joking, I really am still far too innocent in the brain. No, really, I didn't get how it looked like that at all. But then again, that's probably the problem. Problems can be problematic, my fine folk!

That's all there is. There isn't any more.