Contrary to popular belief, that is water on my pants.

Oh no I di-int! Wait, yes I did. What are we talking about? Oh, you're there too, blog readers. Don't make me use my smoulder on you! To be honest, I don't even know what that first line and a half was about, so let's start this thang properly now. I can't tell you all how uninspired I've been blogging-wise lately. But, you would have gathered that, seeing as took my longest blogging absence ever, and the few posts I made before that were pretty lameballs. Never fear though, because I have returned to save you all from the fiery pits of woeful misconduct and paranoia... or something. You want to hear a funny, short anecdote? I few minutes ago, I was brushing my teeth, and I accidentally spilt water all over my general crotch vacinity, making it look like I had wet myself. [insert lots of laughter] What, you're not laughing? It's okay, that humour is way too immature for my liking too. Waaait... [flashback to two years ago]

It was a hot summer's day, and two girls departed the school bus, laughing merrily. They had just returned from a glorious (read, painful) school gym class, where they had spent more time ranting about the misdoings of socitey than working on their fitness, or lack thereof. As the short-haired brunette casually stepped off the bus, her pasty friend suddenly came up with a mischevious and diabolical plan. Grinning like a homeless man who had just been given money for booze, the pale girl took out her water bottle and dosed her companion with it. The short hair-brunette responded with a strange mix of emotions, but seemed relatively unphased that her wet clothes made her look as if she was without a properly functioning bladder. That was, until children started staring at her as if they believed she had genuinely wet herself, which left her pale friend in a fit of laughter.

Okay, so maybe I am that immature, and I kinda sort of might have laughed at myself in the mirror. I don't think it's as sad that I had an immature moment as it is that it inspired me to go back to blogging again. It's not like nothing has been happing in my life at the moment. In fact, a lot has been happening in my life at the moment. I've had three days of rehersals for my school's musical failure, sorry, 'musical spectacular', and the term is finally finished. I presented my Extension English assignment, and was awarded an A-, despite the fact that I had a coughing fit in the middle of my lecture. I am rather proud of this, because I worked way too hard on that darn assignment.

I also saw Jesus Christ Superstar two nights in a row, which was incredible beyond words, albeit emotionally draining. [Cue rant! If you have no interest, then skip this paragraph] I have seen so many theatre productions during the past four years, which range from musicals to operas to orchestral recitals to ballet to oratorios to contemporary dance. I have seen local, national and inernational productions which had everything from four people and four chairs to extravagant sets, and casts of over fifty people. However, I have never seen anything with as much heart, guts and genuine attention to detail as JCS. The cast get into the production so fantastically; at some stage all three leads were crying on stage (two to the point where they were properly sobbing), not because they were acting, but because they were genuinely overcome with emotion because the musical was just that intense. It is also a very physically demanding musical. The guy playing Judas broke his leg after just three and a half performances into the season. Funnily enough, that means I saw his first and last full performance in the role ever. Might I just add, he was fantastic. His take on Judas' Death was more moving and disturbing than anything else I have seen in my entire life. I'm not ashamed to say that it made me cry to the point where I was shaking and sobbing. I had a similar reaction to Jesus' Crucifixion, and Gethsemane. The guy playing Jesus was possibly the most talented musical theatre performer I have ever come across. How he is able to hit and hold (for a good 7 seconds, if not more!) a C6, after already holding the G below that, and not taking a breath, is beyond me. His acting was also flawless. He appeared as such a friendly person in the first act, and turned so tragic in the second. It was very refreshing, given the 'I-accept-everything-and-am-always-calm' view of Jesus that seems to be the norm in popular culture these days. Shout-out also to the actress playing Mary. Dang, could she sing! And props for dedication to the role, to the point of crying with makeup running all down her face, and throwing herself across the stage (multiple times!) only to be dragged across it by 'the crowd'. Yeah, it's possible the most intense musical ever, and the production I saw, I am deeming the best ever. I don't just mean the best prodction of Superstar, I mean the best production of anything.

Dang it, I told myself I wouldn't rant about JCS. Well, we all know that I have absolutely no self-restraint. I really do want to make this blog interesting, but bear with me, because I really need to have the obligatory anime paragraph. I finished Hakushaku to Yousei today, which is devestating. Twelve episodes is not enough! Especially when it's left very open-ended. I'm guessing they planned on making a second season, but this never eventuated. Honestly, I wish I knew how to read Japanese, just so I could read the light novels, and find out how Edgar and Lydia's relationship progressed. Anyways, to drown out my post-watching-a-really-good-anime-depression, I started watching a new one. Usually, I purposefully avoid watching animes that I know people I know have watched, because I have serious individuality issues, but, this time I have made an exception. Being in a particularly romance-needy mood, I watched three episodes straight of Kaichou wa Maid-Sama!. Having come to the realisation that every single story that I love has a really tragic ending, I thought it would be good for me to watch a nice, light-hearted rom-com. It seriously is a great show; I can see why it's so popular! I've made it my goal to watch three new anime before the holidays end, and I shall!

0_0 ... Wow, it really is true. I know I just established this, but for realz, I don't think it's possible for me to properly love a story, unless it has a tragic ending. Which is kind of strange, seeing as I haven't expereinced too much tragedy in my life, and when I have, it's been just that- tragic. I'm all "Ohai story. Your characters all get happy endingz, and/or don't have to go through Hell to get there? Me no respect you!" With the exception of some romances, because I am too much of a hopeless romantic. I wonder if that's some sort of complex... Not that I like all tragedies. If they're like "Look at me! Imma so tragic! Cry for meee!" my general reaction is "Bitch, STFU." I find myself crying at things that most people don't find that sad, and feeling rather emotionless towards things that are generally accepted as heartbreaking. Titanic, for example. I was so happy when Leonardo DiCaprio's character finally died, because it meant that I didn't have to see his annoying face any more. I hear this is meant to be a very moving scene. Oh well.

Ohohoh! You know what's really strange? I was on TVTropes, as I often am, and I had this weird epiphany: when I was a really young child, so many of my dreams involved having Stockholm's Syndrome. I'm not going to explain what that is but, yeah, after having this realisation, WTF-ery ensued. Okay, so I'm going to contradict myself and explain: SS is when someone is captured, and they fall in love with the person holding them hostage. I'm not into that kind of stuff, so it confused me as to why I was dreaming about that, as a child nonetheless. Luckily, I've learned that dreams don't actually indicate much about anything. If they did, I'd be a sadistic freakshow, who doesn't know how to do much other than die and be ressurected again, just so I could die some more.

Luckily, I've never died. Though, unless my brain gets creative quicksmart, I may die of boredom this week. I had a lovely time hanging with my wonderful hoes on Sunday, but I am stranded at my rural property for the remainder of the week, as both my parents work. This isn't a problem for most people, because most people live in an area where there is a public transport system. asdghasdbm. Really, government, acreage doesn't mean country-living, you could at least give us a bus service! Anywayz, when both my parents take the two cars and depart from work, if I have left in one of those cars, I'm pretty much stranded on my property, with nowhere to go. This is a rather depressing concept, but at least I'll have my sister with me this week so I can torture her for my own amusement. I shall use my super-powers-of-creativity to come up with fun and whacky things to do! And then, my dear readers, I shall come and blog about them here, for your amusement. Buenos noches!

Life in Demisemiquavers: The Abridged Post

Gosh, I love that feeling I get when the clock strikes 11p.m, and for some reason, I suddenly feel compelled to blog. My mind has been a complete whirlpool these past few days, and I have much to rant about. However, as wonderful as the night is, I know that to function properly tomorrow, I need to sleep tonight. Therefore, I'm making an abridged post! I wish I could make this post even half as funny as an abridged series (then again, some of them seriously lack humour and taste), but my brain is frizzled in the shizzle... drizzle. That totally reminds me of this mobile phone advertisement I saw in Hawaii. There were different stereotypes posting their way of saying 'LOL' on this full-keypad phone. I was as such:

Nerd: That's insanium in the cranium!
Goth: I'm laughing on the dark and pitiful inside.
Muso: /singing/ Shake ya funny makeeerr... Shake it. Shake it hard.

Okay, so nothing I said even appear there, but I said that it reminded me of it. My mind like to go on weird paths and tangents. Maybe it's not a linear narrative. Non-linear narratives are going to either be the success or the death of me. Only the next week will tell! Away with this tarrying, let the abridged areas of my life begin!

The Good:
Most assessment is finished for the term! To top this off, exam block allows me to have tomorrow off school, and Monday is a public holiday. Somewhere under 100 days left of school, ever. Did I mention the I go on proper holidays in a week and a half, too? Yeah, this is damn fine. Holidays always means more time to do lots of crazy things. So, expect moarrrrr random from my bloggings once they begin!

The Bad:
Well, I do still have assessment. Everyone is sick, and I'm starting to join that club. And, Noodleton. Just... urgh. Anyone who knows what I'm talking about, knows what I'm talking about /eyeroll/ My multiple discussions with him today only fuelled my dislike of him both personally and professionally. Especially the one in the afternoon. He's so smart, but he really needs to learn how to do his job properly.

The School:
English Extension is the only subject I have yet to be assessed for this term. I have a draft due tomorrow, which I have not even started. The lecture is due and week and a day from today. Despite having talked to my teacher about the assignment, I'm still pretty baffled. My main steam English teacher was much more helpful, thankfully. Not that I'm supposed to have talked to him or anything... Gotta love the teacher wars at my school. That aside, I don't know how I'm going to do the assignment. I've seen the structure for the defense now, so that's how good. However, I still don't really know how I'm going to do a complex transformation of Dracula. I've decided to give Mina the power role, and therefore most likely write from her perspective. Seeing as my chosen theorist insists that linear narratives restrict the freedoms of women, I'm going to have to make my transformation completely random. Emails dated at different times are seriously looking like my main option right now. Not that I know what to put in those emails. Yeah, I'm as stuffed as a teddy bear.

The Anime:
I've started watching yet another anime! Seriously, I always seem to get into anime that either have really strange names or premises, or ones that just aren't that well known or popular. Well, not always, but that has been a trend recently (excluding Shugo Chara! because, dayum that's popular). My newest anime obsession is no exception to this. In fact, it doesn't even have it's own TVTropes page, despite having a loyal and not-tooo-small following. Hakushaku to Yousei, which translates to "Earl and Fairy" would be the anime I'm talkin' 'bout. When I saw the English translation of the title, I literally headdesk'd. I mean, I've had to tell people for a few months now that my favourite anime is Princess Tutu, which makes me sound like a brainless fairytale-loving child, when in reality, the show has an almost exclusively adult following, who respect it for it's metaphysical elements and the way in which it deconstructs reality, whilst parodying theatre and fairytale genre. On top of the awesome characters and shipping. But, I'm getting off track again. I was "totes devo" that my new anime obsession had a name that was almost equally as childish-sounding. Thankfully, it's most often called by the Japanese name, so let's stick with Hakushaku to Yousei.

It is set in 19th century London, and tells the story of 17-year-old Lydia Carlton, a 'fairy doctor' whose world is turned upside down when she accidentally gets involved with Lord Edgard Ashenbert (and by 'accidentally invovled', I mean kinda abducted, kinda forced to run for her life with. Whoot death plots). I'm pretty sure that Edgar's actually a criminal on the run, and his real name is John. But he's not really bad? And his name might actually be Edgar? Yeah, three episodes in, and I still don't understand him at all. He totally has a servant named Raven, who everyone seems to fangirl over. Not that Edgar doesn't also have his share of fangirls. This isn't at all surprising, seeing as he looks like Usui from Kaichou wa Maid Sama! (did I get the spelling right, ClearlyUnfocused? I didn't bother checking it). They are both fangirl-worthy. The ending credits are just blatantly fanservice-y. I was thinking to myself "What demographic is this made for? It's too intense to be for children. It's got too many romantic moments to be for men. Then who?" A few minutes later, I saw the ending creit animation, which consists on shots of the show's male characters nude, presumably sleeping on beds, and only covered on their lower torso by a sheet. I was all "Riiiiight. This is for young women! ZOMG! THAT MEANS I'M ACTUALLY PART OF THE INTENDED DEMOGRAPHIC FOR ONCE. SCORE!" I'm really loving it. Romance + mystery + different time period + a little bit of violence + anime mancandy + some fantasy = win for me! Aaaaanyways, as much as this anime hooked me in from pretty much the first second I watched it, I'm not too sure what's going on. Well, I think I know what's going on, but I don't know how to explain it. Which is probably good, because I have made this section way to fat already. WHY DOES EVERYTHING I HAVE GET OBESE? D:

The Theatre:
This weekend, I'm seeing the hilariously awesome return season of [title of show] with my galpals, which shall be wonderful! Then, next Friday and Saturday night, I'm seeing the return season of Jesus Christ Superstar, which I am incredibly excited about as well! And, I have just received word that I'm flying interstate to see Don Giovanni at the opera house with my uncle and grandparents in October.

The Religious:
Because I am in a religious mood, I saved the best until last. I don't believe in forcing one's religion on others, but this is my blog, and I would like to share a verse that I have always loved. Et hem.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband; and I heard a great voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling of God is with men. He will dwell with them, and they shall be his people and Gos himself will be with them; he will wipe every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away."
Rev. 21:1-4

This never fails to fill me with such wonderful hope. We must remember that, being from Revelation, there's going to be a lot of symbolism kicking off, and a lot of things that simply don't make sense in our culture and context. But, the underlying message of hope for the future still rings through. I personally think what it means is this: Everything is temporary, and will come to pass. Enjoy what you have, while you can, as it will not last. However, pain and suffering shall also pass, and one day, when all these worldly things and feelings are gone, you will be left in the peace of God, who loves you, and all shall be well.

God has been so good to me lately. Being the sinner that I am, I got frustrated with Him, and said that he wasn't in my life enough. The next day, a series of ridiculously ironic things happened, and I gained a lot more direction. Yeah, He was all "Bitch, please. I'm always here, you just haven't been looking for me." What can I say? My God is an awesome God.

Aw nuts, I've gone and spent way too long on this post anyway. SHITAKIMUSHROOMCAKES! It's almost midnight, and I've got a long day tomorrow, thanks to the existence ofExtEng. Goodnight, moon children!

Our World is being controlled by stories... And I'm on afterlife TV!

Okay, so I was going to name this post "The awkward moment when Judas isn't hot," but the actual title gives me a lot more scope for writing. Mkay, fudgeballkids, here's how it goes. I just wrote 'hot is goes', before fixing the typo. No, there is nothing on my mind at all. Anyways, this post was triggered by two things that I love very much: my family, and Jesus Christ Superstar. So, it is now under a month until said musical has a return season, and, I'm starting to get excited. Yes, I'm starting to become total and utter exciteballs. In my opinion, JCS is the second best musical ever, when done well. The trouble is, pretty much no-one ever does it well. It's usually performed with sets that are strangeballstastic and actors that are less than attractive, both vocally and appearance-wise. This wasn't the case when I (twice) saw the show. The set was a fabulous, collapsing cathedral, that had a very Phantom-y feel, and the cast were young and attractive. Okay, so a chunk of the reason I loved that production so much was because I was all lustballs for the actor playing Judas. Tall, very well toned, black hair, vocal growls, passionate and fiery acting. I, and most of the other females in the audience, were practically drooling. I'll quote my own mother in saying "His arms were half the reason for going." So, imagine my dismay when I discover that in the return season, he is being replaced by someone much less attractive, and a little older. My reaction was something along the lines of:

 "HOLYFAAAROUT I WANTS MANCANDY! WHHHHHYYY, CRUEL WORLD, WHYYY? THE FANSERVICE! GIVE IT BACCCKKK! WAAAHH! I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS! WHHHYY WOULDN'T THEY CAST SOMEONE ATTRACTIVE? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD? I WAAAAANT MY MANCANDY BAACK!"

Becuase, you know, that's not shallow at all. Actually, I feel really bad now. I was just totally going to bag the heckballs out of some performer that I haven't even seen, just because I'm not attracted to him. The character isn't even particularly meant to be attractive, but... I don't know. No matter what, I will miss the incredibly hot riffs and growls (oh, so eargasmic) of the last guy, as well as his physical attributes. But, that doesn't mean that the new guy won't be talented, right? Okay, this is so random, but, I've completely changed my mind. So, the guy isn't attractive, but he isn't unattractive. And he's a baritone, which can be very hot. If there's one thing that Anthony Warlow has proven, it's that you can be middle-aged and bald, and still have the hottest bari voice out, that makes people swoon. Reading this new dude's resume, he seems to have done a lot of stuff, and vocally challenging roles. So, I now haz love and high hopes for him! Maybe I'll even be attracted to his talent? Yay for suddenly not being shallowballserific and full of hope and expectations for the new guy!

Now, moving on to the actual title of the post. My mother's reaction to aforementioned topic was even more hilarious than mine. If you didn't know what we were talking about, you would have thought that someone had actually died. In hindsight, it was absolutely hilarious, to the point where it almost felt scripted. Which brings me to my point: my life is often so over the top and ridiculous, it would not surprise me if I was merely a form of entertainment for someone, or thing. I'm being deadly serious, I really feel like my (and my family's) life is set up to be watched, sometimes. If it was, we'd be ridiculously entertaining, not to gloat. We're not half as messed up as most families these days, but we're wholesome (if you take away the sexual humour. Who shares naughty jokes with their Christian parents?) and incredibly crazy. If I were God, I'd watch us a lot. Not that he'd need to be specific, but omnipresently awesome and all, but, surely he must have favourites. Most parents say that they don't love one child more than the other. Well, I'm going to be a terrible parent, in that case. I'm sure that when I have children, I'll take favourites. That's not to say that I would love all my munchkin kiddiewinkles more than anything, I'm just sure that one kid is bound to be that bit more interesting than the others. I'm the more interesting kid in my family, but, my sister is prettier and less weird. Personally, I'd fave me over her, but, you know. Sibling rivalry much? I do love my sister very much, we're just binary opposites. She's pretty, and normal, and fairly popular, and naive, and not exactly, erm, that smart. And I'm crazy, nerdy, intellectual, pretty much socially inept and, not unattractive, but not as good looking as her. If she was Jane Bennett, I'd be Elizabeth, except we don't get on as well, and I'm older.

Back on topic, I often wonder if our lives are just a story, or something along the lines of The Sims. This sort of determinism bothers some people, but it really amuses me. It is total funnyponderingballstastica. Do you like my new way of describing things? I find it totally rad, dudes. Anyway, thinking of myself as being intelligently designed, or at least watched, is sort of comforting, in the way that, it means that my life is not insignificant. Ehehe. Just think about it, The [demisemiquavergirl] Show! Like The Truman Show, but heaps of balls and ninjas better. And yeah, I really would make an awesome protagonist. Wait, nooooo, I didn't just say that. According to the story [AnonymousAlbino] and I made up, I will be the Arch-Antagonist of the World, when he makes it a totalitarian society. He'll rule the world, and I'll go underground, scheming, plotting and fighting. And [ClearlyUnfocused] will be his top assassin, but when she goes to kill me, she'll fall in love with me, and then be torn between her duty and her heart. I'm guessing that everyone ends up dead, but it's a cool story, eh? I just had to make myself the antagonist. I often loves me some antagonists.

Have you ever felt like your life was a story, or something was too ironic to not have been scripted? Ponder it, bromigos. Oh! Do you like my shoddy, new, paint-made background? I was asking myself the other day "Just how can I make my blog more epic?" and I came up with two solutions. The first was whinging less, and the second was adding ninjas. It's like the trope Everything's Better with Princesses, except, ninja style! So, I'd like to introduce you to my ninja. His name is Excalibur, because everything's also better with swords. Oh, and he can only speak in LOLcat. And sometimes, we don't get along. I think I see a BST relationship blossoming, though, so it's all good. He's kinda self conscious, hence why he always wears his ninja gear. Oh, and if you mess with me, you "Can haz nun chuck in teh eye." You've been warned, peeps who with they were also ninjas with cool names.

//I'd just like to say, I'm not a big fan of animating with Paint or anything, but I have no idea how to draw, so, that's how Excalibur is going to make his cameo appearances. Word. :3

Yeah, I got nunchuck'd for my Judas rant. Sorry, Excalibur!

Love Never Dies... But My Heart Just Did.

LOVE NEVER DIES MUST DIEEEEEEEE! >:[ Okay, now that we've got that out of the way, I can write normally... or not. This rant has been coming for a very, very long time, so beware, because this could take a while. Let me take you back to, let's say late 2009. We all know that I love The Phantom of the Opera, yes? It was the first musical I ever saw on stage, and pretty much the reason I am who I am today. It's weird to think that a musical could change someone so much, but it really did. Let me also just put it out there that Jesus Christ Superstar is my second favourite musical. I saw it twice last year, and was completely blown away. That's right, I said it, I liked an independent production of JCS even more than I liked Wicked. I don't know why, but that show just really struck a chord in me; I felt really connected. I also had a lot of respect for that production. Despite being independent, the company managed to have a set, cast, band and lighting effects that rivalled any professional production I'd ever seen. Hm. So, now I've established that.

Back to late 2009. I remember sitting at my computer, and seeing on my Youtube account that The Really Useful Group (aka The Really Useless Group of middle-aged fuddy duddies; Andrew Lloyd Webber's bunch) had uploaded the Media/Press release thing for his latest musical. [I know, that sentence was so eloquent] The name of this musical was (and, sadly, still is) Love Never Dies. Urgh. Am I the only one who thinks that name sounds so ridiculously cliche? Normally, I wouldn't really care if Lord "Bonkers" Lloyd Webber was making a new musical, but this one was said to be a sequel to The Phantom of the Opera. I'm not going to lie, I was against the idea of a sequel since I first heard about it. I remember reading it in the online news, when Otto (ALW's cat. R.I.P, you wonderful creature) had accidentally deleted his full score for LND, which he had saved on his keyboard. Well, they say it was an accident, but I like to think of that cat as a Godsend, who was trying to save our ears from horror.

Sadly, ALW re-wrote the musical disaster, and it was on that fateful day in late 2009 that I first heard the music. I remember actually cringing when I heard the Coney Island Waltz, which was supposed to be the equivalent of an overture for the musical. It sounded like a rip-off of Carousel, but worse. And well, the Phantom Overture was so intense and just generally amazeballs, so, you'd expect the overture to the sequel to follow suit. I'll let you compare the two below. I don't even think I need to put in an argument as to which is better, because it's blatantly obvious. My heart starts to beat fast every time I hear the synthesiser playing the D minor chord at the beginning of the Phantom overture. I felt nauseous the few times I listened to CIW.
Right! Coney Island! Who was the idiot that decided to move Phantom to Coney Island? Whoever thought: "That dude was mentally scarred from being in a freak show as a kid. ZOMG. SO HE'D TOTES WANTS TO GO BAK TO DAT!" needs to be magically lassoo'd by Erik. Leroux's Erik, that is. I mean, that Phantom was badass! I'm getting off-topic. Anyway, as I was saying, the setting is terrible. I've seen pictures of some of the 'sets', and I really didn't like them. I mean, yay props to ALW for being all technological and using projections for the backdrops and what not, but, it still looked incredibly tacky to me. And, erm, there is this arch that looks like a woman's.. er, private areas. I don't go out of my way to see if sets look sexual, but this arch is really disturbing.

This isn't a great picture of it, buuuut, that arch still looks sus.

And it's not the only thing that's sexual. According to the sequel, after Christine leaves the Phantom to go off and live her life with Raoul, well, let's just say that she doesn't really leave him. On the night before her wedding to Raoul, she tracks the Phantom down and has lots and lots of really hot sex with him, again and then again. *brainexplodes* WHAT? Hold up, the Phantom and Christine have sex? Not only that, he leaves her the morning after, feeling ashamed. Oh, and it turns out that she gets pregnant with his kid, and then raises the boy with Raoul anyway. I have to say, what a complete hoe! This isn't the Christine we last saw at the end of Phantom. The one who stood up to her stalker and finally decided that she wasn't going to be manipulated by everyone. Why she would 'do it' with Phanty is also beyond me. I'll admit, there are times when I've had the biggest fangirl crush on this character, despite his crazy murderings and stalkerliciousness, but, I wouldn't hunt him down on the eve of my wedding and practically beg him to have sex with me over and over. It just doesn't even make sense. Christine clearly makes her choice at the end of Phantom. She chooses Raoul, who she is in love with, and leaves the Phantom all by himself. Yes, this means that half the audience is in tears, but they are crying tears of awesome. The fact that the Phantom lets Raoul and Christine go in the end redeems him. And heaven knows, he needs all the redemption he can get. And the thing is, he lets the lovers go because Christine gives him a long, passionate smooch. In that moment, he is so moved by being shown a form of affection that even his own parents had denied to him; that kiss meant everything. So, am I to believe that this same character is going to be okay with having lots of meaningless sex just a short time later? Firstly, I don't think that the Phantom would ever have slept with Christine. He was way too insecure about his body to ever do anything that made him so vulnerable. Period. Secondly, Christine would never have slept with the Phantom. She felt a bond with him through music, but she was never attracted to him. Well, definitely not after she saw his deformities anyway. Plus, she was in love with Raoul, so why would she hunt down her stalker for a good time? I mean, it was the night before her wedding, so she was sure to 'get some' within 24 hours anyway. And if she did indeed sleep with Phanty and Raoul on two consecutive nights, how could she have been sure that the child she later gives birth to is the Phantom's? It's not like they had DNA testing back in those days or anything... Also, I hate the fact that the Phantom apparently leaves Christine after doing her all night. I mean, if she actually wanted him, and he was okay enough with himself do do it with her, then there is no way that he would ever leave her. All he ever wanted in the original was to have her for his own. Like hell he'd be running away (before she even wakes up!) if they finally got together.

The other areas of the plot are just as dire. The premise of the story is that Christine becomes a successful opera singer, and likes with Raoul in France. The Phantom, however, flees Paris after the Opera house burns down (though, I swear that was only in the movie. I don't remember any burning happening in the stage production. Grrrr.) and jumps on a boat bound for Coney Island, America. Oh, did I mention that Madame Giry and Meg come along for the ride? The Phantom ends up making a successful freak show and entertainment thing at Coney. Meg falls obsessively in love with him. He doesn't care, because for "ten looooong years" he wastes his time on "smoke and noise" and pines for Christine. He ends up sending her a letter, beseeching her to come and perform at Coney, and signing it as "Mr Y". Actually, I think they changed this in the latest version of LND, but I don't really understand why or how. Something about Hammerstein? I don't know, it's rubbish either way. Christine, apparently losing all her intelligence, agrees to come and sing in "Phantasma", the Phantom's act. Subtle name, I know. She brings along Raoul, who is now an abusive drunk, and 'their' son Gustave. To cut a long story short, Christine ends up finding out that the Phantom is the one who lured her to Coney. They sing Beneath a Moonless Sky aka the song about them remembering all the good sex they had that one night. I can sum up the rest of the show in a few sentences. Raoul and "Mr Y" fight over Christine, and end up betting on which one of them she will go with. The Phantom says that if she agrees to sing for him, he'll have her, and is she doesn't, Raoul can leave with his wife and child, and the Phantom will repay all his debts. Yes, betting on women is soooo romantic *barf* Anyway, she ends up singing, and Raoul goes to leave for Paris, alone. Suddenly, Meg decides to kidnap Gustave, and threatens to kill him. Phanty and Christine come along, and the Phantom tries to persuade her to put away her gun. She gets annoyed at him for never noticing her (why she's in love with him is beyond me) and he says that he sympathises with her, and knows what it's like not to be loved. Sadly, the idiot goes on to say "We can't all be like Christine..." and, well, Meg goes psycho and accidentally shoots Christine. Christine dies, the Phantom becomes a single Dad. I think they changed the ending to have Raoul return and be with Gustave, and then Gustave goes to the Phantom? I don't know. It's completely messed up. I don't know how an innocent ballerina turned into a slutty murderer, a starry-eyed young gentleman became an abusive drunk, a manipulative, badass murderer became a sappy emo kid, and a sweet young woman became a whore. ALW can't claim that this is character development. This is character assassination.

Have I mentioned the lyrics? They're awful. Some examples include:
- He knows you're made of finer stuff (THEY USED 'STUFF' IN A SONG. THE LYRICIST SHOULD BE FIREDDDDDDDDD!)
- I'll always feel no more than half way real, 'til I hear you sing once more
- Once there was a night beneath a moonless sky, too dark to see a thing, too dark to even try [...] And I held you. And I touched you. And embraced you. And I felt you. And with every breath and every sigh. I felt no longer scared. I felt no longer shy [...] cloaked under the night, with nothing to suppress.  A woman and a man. No more and yet, no less.
... I can't go on, because I feel like my eyes are being raped, reading these appalling lyrics. The last point is from Beneath a Moonless Sky. Now, we all know that I like to rant on romance. That rubbish is not romantic. It is just tacky beyond words. I know Phantom had a lot of sexual metaphor in it (think "When will the blood begin to race? A sleeping bud burst into bloom? When will the flames at last consume us?" from The Point of No Return), but it was just that: metaphor! There is no subtlety in the lyrics to BAMS at all. The second point, which is from Til I Hear You Sing, errrr. Many people who hate the show love this song. I am not one of them. It's meant to be somewhat of an equivalent of Music of the Night, but, it fails. If someone sung the former to me, I would cringe and slap them. If someone sung the latter to me, I would swoon and vow to be with them forever. It's as simple as that.

I could go on all day about the faults in this show, because there are just so many. I think that people have the right to like it, but I certainly never shall. And to be honest, many LND fans are pretty loco. I've been a member of the group Love Should Die on Facebook since early last year, and I've been tracking their progress. I haven't really wanted to get involved with anything, but reading the page, I've found most of the people on there to be intelligent and dedicated phans. Yet, I've seen them be crazily abused just because they don't like the show. I'll never forget how even The Really [Useless] Group treated this one Canadian couple who had supported the original for years, but, uhm-ah, dared to speak out against the sequel. It was so unprofessional, and quite appalling. In fact, Andrew Lloyd Webber and his gang have been nothing but awful to anyone who doesn't like the sequel, even if they continue to support the original in all ways possible. That guy is just messed up.

Phew! I can't believe I've managed to restrain from ranting about this on my blog for so long! It feels good to get it out. Actually, there is a reason that I chose now to explode. You know how I was establishing earlier that JCS is my second favourite musical? Well, there's going to be a return season of the show in June, and I've booked to see it another two times. All of the original cast are returning... except for the guy who played Judas. This news was devastating enough for me, as he portrayed the character to perfection, was absolutely gorgeous to look at, and had one of the best voices in musical theatre that I have ever heard in my entire life... And his growl in Heaven on their Minds was so lush... And the emotion he put into Judas' suicide was insane. It's the only scene that has ever made me cry more than the Final Lair from Phantom... And he just owned the role. Completely. So, yeah, I was 'totes devo' to discover that I'd never get to see him in the role again.

This afternoon, I was looking at that independent theatre company's Facebook page, and I see that the guy has been cast in an ensemble role in the Australian production of Love Never Dies. So, not only has this musical ruined the way I view my favourite musical, but it has stolen one of my favourite performers, and stopped them from performing in my favourite musical. Did I mention that a heap of other musical performers who I love and respect have been cast in the monstrosity too? I'm feeling rather heartbroken at the moment... But, I still refuse to see the show live. I've heard all the songs, seen a heap of pictures, and read all about the storyline. I know that I don't like it, and I don't want ALW to get a cent of my money...


... LOVE SHOULD DIE! >:D